txsh

2009-05-28T20:34:00.000+08:00

IVE MOVED TO TUMBLR.COM

2009-05-28T20:11:00.000+08:00

ive moved to tumblr. hehehe bye!

2009-05-27T15:05:00.005+08:00

Hi, it's 3.05 on deck. I got home at about 2.50 just now? Early bird, I see. Had Intensive Malay today with the Secondary 5s. It was kinda alright, if I say so myself. But it was boring as hell. So then, last period was due regular Malay lessons, but Mdm Rose wasn't there. So then we had to go to the school hall for some admin matters. And yeah, our CCA grades are all worked out and we got As and Bs for our CCA grade. Woah, smooth move.

So tomorrow, there's a parent-meeting session. So can't wait for it! Haha, idk why. But yearly, termly, regardless of whether I did good or bad, I just eagerly look forward to it, idk why. But oh wells. Now, Im just waiting for Baby to wake. And love, it's okay if you can't fetch me today. It doesn't matter. I don't need you to fetch me everyday just to prove your love for me. I know now well enough that you love me.

Many people disgust me. I believe its not my problem but it just is. All of the nothing's equivalent to something.

Oh, and my mom just emailed me regarding the Swine Flu thingy. And Singapore has its first confirmed case of H1N1?! Are you God damned serious? Can I go buy a mask now! Okay no, kidding. Now, Im off to cook my Maggi Tumis! Yay, Baby don't drool, okay? I'll come over to cook for you again if I have to. You don't have to cook for me. And it's okay Baby, I can feed myself. As a matter of fact, I'll feed you instead.Have you ever done the silliest thing when you love somebody? Though how inane it may sound like, my favourite thing for to do and receive. ;D ♥

2009-05-26T17:13:00.003+08:00

Hi, time check 5.13 pm. And Im sleepy as hell. I repeat, as hell. Ahhh, but Baby just woke up :( Mary was over at mine, but she already LEFT4HOME. Ahhh, I miss LEFT4DEAD! Grr, Baby can we go soon. Please please please! I don't care if it means I have to turn up in school attire. Baby, Kina, Mary, pleaseee! D:

Oh, so anyway we'll be having Intensive Malay, the whole curricular day, starting tmr up through Friday. But only the graduating students are affected, hm. Anyway, this only means another day closer to my death bed. Oh, and since I aced my Malay paper for my Mid-years, should I resit for my paper if I scored a mere Grade 3? Yeah I'll have to ask my teacher regarding that. So, its said to prepare us for our upcoming Os come next Monday, 1st June. I hope it works its wonders, chyea? Now, I think Im going to sleep? Hm, bye thens. Baby, love you ♥

2009-05-25T19:54:00.003+08:00

Hi, me again. 8.04 pm and Im doing practically nothing. 90% of the pix are uploaded and my Baby is sleeping now, behind me. I miss you, Dear. Wake up, come on now. Aw yay, he's up now. And messing my hair. Hahaha you people must really think I have no point to blogging about such stuff but its nice to do so when you're in love. So anyway, enjoy that very unattractive pic of me. Hahaha look at Mary. Gangsterxsz. And I have a towel on my head because stupid Eeraa threw it on me at the moment I clicked. Jerk -_-♥

2009-05-25T18:31:00.003+08:00

Hi, it's 6.31 pm and Im at the crib. Baby's at my place too. I had fun on Sunday with baby girls and boys. Hehe, and chyea today we had our Physics tests back and wooo, I got highest amongst the girls. 19/30. Lol? Eeraa, nice job ehhh? Woohoo. So anyway yada yada, nothing much happened. Webcammed with Iszwan and Ajie. Who are apparently at Bukit Panjang and haven't slept for 3 days. Hah? Then chyea. Aiyer, we're going yo have MI from Wednesday - Friday. Malay Intensive lur! Means, no lesson for us from Wednesday through Friday except Mother Tongue the whole day. Ergh, so going to suck please? Im so shaken. Malay O level papers are on 1st June. Which is a week or so from today. God, hold my hand, give me your blessings. So anyway I have pretty much zero to blog about. Actually there's this thing about A____ but I don't want to blog about it. Waste of time anyways. And love surprise-fetched me from school. And he's got another 3 weeks MC off NS. Haha, that's like about 4 months of MC for you from NS huh, love? Good on. So now, Im off to go make my Baby feel better as he sleeps on the couch. Poor boy. Oh, he's awake. Currently uploading all of the Sunday pix. Photobucket loads like a gibb. Bye. ♥

2009-05-24T08:09:00.003+08:00

Hi, it's 8.09 am now and let's just say Im not in my best mood right now. I've been waiting on a promised text, and never got it and I keep waking up every while or so. And now, I can't go back to sleep. Thanks to you. So anyway, I found this song really very meaningful. I'll let the lyrics do the talking. And you guys can include on your own inferences, alright?

Incompatible, it don't matter though. Cus someone's bound to hear my cry. Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find. Is it possible, Mr. Loveable is already in my life? Right in front of me, or maybe you're in disguise. Who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told. Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone. Here we are again, circles never end. How do I find the perfect fit? There's enough for everyone, but I'm still waiting in line. Most relationships seem so transitory. They're all good but not the permanent one.

There you go, but the line that really got to me was: Who knows how to love you without being told. That really opened up a thousand of my eyes. Love without being told, hm. Without.
♥

2009-05-23T22:44:00.004+08:00

Hi, it's 10.45 pm now and I haven't talked to my baby since about say, 2 hours? Not because I can't. It's because I won't. For the first time, I actually don't want to talk to him. And I'm okay with that for the first time, too. Aww, Im growing up so fast. Hahaha. So anyway, I was practically problem-free, which doesn't mean Im happy, today. For the whole day! I know! It's so weird? So anyway I went to go buy some Art stuff for O levels. So chyea, someone dial 9-yada-yada. And I got home happy and had a tiff. Yup, I was irritating when I shared problems and seemed like a sappy little 16 year old school girl. And Im just as irritating when Im happy. Lol, that turned me down to zero anyway. Okay, so I haven't replied his texts. And to make myself feel better, I was only moodless, after he said that, with him. Yeah, Im practically still on the sunny side up by myself. To occupy my irritating time, I watched iCarly. It cheered me up like zero to hero. So funny. Never thought Id say this but Im going to search for more full epis. Lol, never sounded like me anyway. So chyea, baby just hold on tight. Cos I won't be talking to ya. Bye dear, I love you and I miss you so much. I'll see you tomorrow, cupcake. Can't wait <3 Oh, and my bad for not having much to say here, I practically wrote everything down in my diary already. Im sorry, you boobs.
Ps, I kiss like a princess. And I may be an idiot, but Im not stupid. Hahaha, I know. Kay, shh!
♥
edit~

And my parents just left for the hospital. My daddy isn't feeling too good. Aww, so sad. Daddy get well soon. Not that I care of it, but since it's a happy day, suggested why not act like a thankful child. I love my Mum. Im not just saying it. Daddy, stop being so mean to Mommy. Please would help okay? Wonder what's up with men and their god damned ego. But whatevs. So men, what do you want to be when you grow up?

2009-05-22T23:23:00.004+08:00

Happy 16th birthday, you chibai!
For my bestfriend, my sister, my other half, my other part of family that God forgot to include, I love you. For all the things you've done for me. And I accept you no matter the things you've done to me. Happy getting older. We're there for each other and I'll always have your back. Through the darkest weathers and the heaviest sun-kissed moments, through hardship and ease, through joy and pain, even when times were hard, I held out my arms, and held you. 4 years is too much to count for memories. And I admit, I might forget some, okaye fine, most of our memories. But I'll never forget the way I felt, the way we all felt. No doubt we were kids back then, we're still kids now. But we all have feelings too. And you grew on me like the sister I've never had. And Im happy for you to be falling (in love) soon. Don't doubt it. You have a crush on him. Lol, so anyway this is starting to sound like a lesbian love letter. Rest assured, Im still straight and I have a flair for boys, not girls. And alittle goes a long long way. Happy 16th birthday, bestfriend. Always love you. (Yes, even if you experiment your so called skills in rolling the towel and whacking me.) See you come Sunday, baby. You're taking the bus w me!

2009-05-22T22:52:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling: Babi Cb

Hi, it's god damned 10.56 pm. I swear I have nothing to blog about. Alah, bye lah. No mood lah. I can't wait for Sunday, that's all Im going to say. Bye.

2009-05-21T17:06:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Tardy and aloof

Hi, it's 5.07 pm now and I just set my weak weak weak self down on my bed. I'm under th weather today. Mhh, a case of influenza leading to a general fever. I hate my side-effects, I swear to God. And I haven't seen nor heard my Baby since 3456789 hours ago and I miss him like crazy. Argh! Just a hug or two from him, could make me feel better. Hm, and imagine having to stay in an air-conditioned nose for the whole day. Right under the bark of the air-conditioning too, not to mention.

Um, I feel like going into a deep slumber, especially with the mellow, rainy weather. But, I don't want to be asleep when my Baby wakes. I want to be there for him when he wakes. But I need my standstill too. Sigh, it sucks to be coveting the one you love and yet yearning for a little nap ): I feel so impelled to doze off in my undies. Ahhhh, I'll set my alarm off every 30 minutes. And then, I'll check to see if my Love is up. On a lighter note, I've not scoffed anything today! Ah, gila sampai mati. I've got the munchies and I want to eat something. Maybe, Maggi Tumis? But I'm too snoozy to eat. Guess I'll just have to sleep on an empty stomach.

Bye<3

2009-05-20T20:30:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Idk?

Hi, it's 8.30 pm now and I have nothing to blog about. Oh, and btw, don't like, cover your ears and close your eyes :D Whatever, berdasarkan korg semua terdiri daripada orang-orang yang kureng, aku terima. Lol, I don't understand you people. Eh nvm nvm. Biar tak paham, jangan macam paham!

And Mai, we wanted to, but we can't. Terribly sorry. We have our reasons, and you already know anyway. So chyea, sorry.

Bye byeeee<3

2009-05-19T17:58:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Guilty as charged/Mischievious

Hi, its 6.o7 pm now and Im on the bed, on the phone with Baby. I went to ... at ... just now with ... and everything is good. I didn't know we still have DSP lur! One teacher says this and another teacher says something else. Hm, and they call us crazy. And sometimes, I feel like I have no privacy at all. My blog's only read by my closest friends and some random nosey people. But I didn't know that even the educated adults "check up" on us too. Sigh, adults these days. Teach us this, teach us that, in the end, they're the ones commiting it. But, oh well, this world is full of hypocrites and we're only human. So, what the heck. And I've honestly nothing to blog about. All's well, and it ends well. Hm, have a good day, readers.

2009-05-18T21:35:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Baby, get home safely.

Hi, it's 9.38 pm and Baby just went home. Mhh, it was raining today, but in the name of love, Baby walked through the stormy weather for me. Aww, I love you Baby. So chyea got home, cooked for Hun my Maggi Tumis and gave him some Influenza remedy. Soon after my parents arrive home, Baby was already fast asleep. But he woke up to give his grace. So then, he went back into his deep sleep. Watched alittle of Spider Man.

Oh, but before that. Fi, game game yg kt dlm hp matair aku, smua kau champion kn. Kau kalau free, g tgk siapa champion skg. You're off the list, man! Lol, not really. You're just at the bottom of it. Hahaha, Helfi took 2 minutes and 14 seconds to complete all 4 stages, I took only 1 minute 48 seconds. He had 294 points on the bubble game, I had 382. Chyea okay, and I got A2 for English and Malay. Hehehe, Maths. You know, I know, we know lah okaye? Oh, but Mr Chang said that he had recycled the preliminary examination paper of a top school in Singapore and had given it to us as Mid-Year/Trial Preliminary examination to sit for. It was such a waste that I didn't bring my calculator for my Math P1.

Grr, so back to story. Baby was asleep. Afterwhich, he woke up after awhile, slept somemore and then I woke him up at about 9 pm. Cus Baby had earlier mentioned that he'd be heading home at say, 9. So, chyea I woke him. And now, my Boo is waiting for the bus to be on his way home, yays. Now, I'm the one down with flu. This is terrible. I've packed my bags and Im ready for school tomorrow. Boy, do I miss my lessons. Oh, and the whole class was a happy bunch today. We made a mockery of the game show The Price Is Right, and we all played Connect Four. Yup, the one that Mary accidentally took. Or shall I say, the game that Okina accidentally packed it in Mai's bag cus it was staring to drizzle and we all rushed. Kkay, whatnots. Bye, Im going to sleep and wait for Baby's text. Tooflies.

<3 Your love shows, Baby. No way in hell am I going to believe that you tagged that. Besides, you were right there sleeping the whole time. So, whatever to all you haters. Hahaha, jokes. Nights, lovelies.

2009-05-17T22:06:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling: Miserable

Hi, it's 10.07 pm now. And I just got home from Mama's house. It's Gayhan's birthday today. Gayhan is actually Rayhan, my 9 y/o brother. What a jerk. He steals my boyfriend from me. So chyea anyway we had a party for him at Mama's house. Mama bought for him a cake. A damn Ferrero Rocher cake. You fortunate gay. So chyea, me and Baby didn't contact much today. But it might be for the good too, right? I mean, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And that's practically what I really need right now. Fondness for my Baby. I feel so mean. So anyway, I'm currently awating a call from Love. Hm, I wonder what news he's got for me today. Oh, and school is tomorrow. I still haven't decided whut to bring. Oh well. Oh! And Im going to have to work during my holidays after my O's. I already got my early approval from my rents. Guess who's got piano lessons now. Me -_- you people must've guessed that already right. But oh well. I really have nothing to say anymore. I'm just going to go lie down and wait for my Daddy to call.

''So I've got to put the good with the bad, happy and the sad, so I'll bring a better future than I had in the past. Oh cause, I don't want to make the same mistakes I did. I don't want to fall on my face again. I'll admit it, I was scared to act to love's call. And if it hits, better make it worth the full.''

We can't see eye to eye anymore and I don't want to work it out. I just want to go.

Dreams don't make sense sometimes, but we learn from it.

2009-05-17T10:36:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling: *YAWNNNN*

Hi, it's 10.37 am now and I just woke up. Okaye, no I didn't just wake up. I woke up at 7 am today. Baby's text woke me up. And then we texted for what seemed like 4 minutes and we went back to sleep. I slept, and woke up at about 8.36 am so I lazily went back to sleep in hopes of waking up at 2 pm. But no, I woke up at 9.50 am instead. So I decided to not go back to sleep, and I lay in bed, I rolled around messing my bed like a pig would in mud, I went to the loo, I lay somemore and I decided to pick up the laptop. So here I am! And I modified my computer settings. It looks so much better now, prixsz! Chyea, alittle turn here and a little tuning there, it's all good now. Oh and my purpose to blog was this. I had dreams last night *and this morning, twice*. All my three dreams weren't directly about Boo, but he was there. In my first dream during the night, idk how, idk why, idk what got into our minds, but me + Boo decided to get into a bathtub. We sat in the bathtub face to face, both of us had our knees to our chest, and our hands entangled in each other's fingers. We sat there looking at each other. I tilted my head differently after every slight twitch in his eyes. And we were the best of friends, Baby and I. And then we talked about everything we had troubling us. Be it personal or open. But I felt that we had a stronger relationship because Love was being so good and acting all differently. Then in my 2nd dream, Dear kept trying to 'have his way' with me. We were in this little trailer in a trailer park. But he was rudely interrupted by his friend, Man Toyol (?). Chyea, that's his name if I could remember. So after they had a little chat, Zul knocked on the windows of the trailer. Chyea, Zul niggaboy. And then, my last dream, me + my big family went out to catch a movie. But before that, me and Beau went to catch a show or something. And we had a tiny tiff. So when we met my family elsewhere, I suddenly noticed that Boo wasn't with me. Neither was he with my family. And then, I noticed that he had left me and my family, to meet his friends. And I tried to call and text him, but I couldn't reach him. So I was a very angry Tash. Soon after, I woke up. In my first dream, Baby was being the best he could be. In other words, the way I'd prefer him to be. But the way he is now, love him just as good. In my 2nd dream, he was a total A-hole. Didn't care if I said that no means no, and forcing me to do things I don't want to. And that part of Boo, made me really afraid of him. And in my last dream, Baby was being just the way he is, only alittle more of a jerk. And then I woke up and I thought to myself, wow. What kind of person gets this kinds of dreams. 3 dreams at three different times of interrupted solitude, 3 different versions of the same person, and 3 different sequels. What the hell.

So, Baby, I just wanted to say... Whatever it is that's on your mind that you're unsure of, you know Im there. During your difficult times, I'll always be there. And I've proven that before, right? Just tell me where and when, I'll come. If I had came for others, I can most definitely, for you. And to add that you're my bestfriend, my lover, my future, my family, my echoing heartbeat, my everything and my boyfriend, you're more important. In fact, most important. Everybody has been in love before. But what we have is different. Everything is different, you are different, I am different. Everybody can give opinions, but what do they know about us, about you. I agree, your friends know you more than I do. But I know more of you for the things that matter more. I may not know what a pop-shuvit is, but I know what moves you. Your friends see it more all on the subjective end. But what we have, we go through it, not around it. And you can count on me, should you fall. I'll be there to catch you. And you, I know you don't get the point of my posts sometimes and don't think I don't know it. You read what's left of my last sentence because it usually sums up the whole thing. Right, Love? So Love, moral is, I'm your girlfriend, yes. But I'm also your friend, remember that. You can't spell girlfriend without friend, right?So yo get my point. You can come to me for anything, don't be afraid I'd shout at you. We can always clear things out. I'd be moved enough when you call me up to tell me your problems, I would be too excited to shout at you. I love you, Dada. Always have, always will.

2009-05-16T19:33:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Ooh, Love

Hi, it's 7.55pm now. Hehs, and Baby is over at the Singapore Flyer w Helfi and Helmi and th rest. And chyea, had a tiff earlier today but everything is alright now, cus Baby has cheatcodes. So our tiff lasted for only like half an hour lah. That's all. Yeah and now, I'm continuing w th surprise that I got for Boo. He still doesn't know. Cute riiiight. It's th longest time I've worked on any one of Baby's random surprise gifts that I made myself. Oh, and today is utter boredommmm. And I'm currently albuming up my pix in PhotoBucket. Woah, I never knew I had 48 pages of pictures in PB. It took me 5 days to file them ALL up. And now, it's officially a wrap! I've placed them all in albums. Yay, I feel so miracly neat. And now, I forgot to announce that I've officially fixed my sewing machine, and I'm back to sewing happily. Yay, I think it's my new hobby. Though it sounds a little grandmama-ish. Haha, okay bye now.

2009-05-15T22:24:00.005+08:00

I'm feeling: Meow-zah!
Hi, it's 10.28 pm and Baby left about an hour ago. Thank you for today, Baby. Me + Boo and Mary + Kina went to have a picnic :D Hohoho, we cooked like a whole lot. And we tried to wake Helfi up, and he finally came back to life after a full hour of calls. Chyea, alot of funny stuff happened and practically it was a love-filled day for both couples. Lol, and to Mary + Kina, sorry luh friend, me + Ham just cannot stop making out lah okay. And we really don't care if we're making out beside you, infront of you or behind you. I just love his cushion lips(: So chyea, sorry! And thank Goodness those two just kept on minding their own business. And fuck you, the person who's holding onto Ham's Connect Four, better own up. Lol, so yup. All 4 of us had to squeeze on th 2 mats. Chyea, practically all 4 of us were in physical contact the whole day. Lol? Okaye, my Baby is in the bus now, otw back home. Thank you, Boo. Go to sleep when you get home. And thank you for fulfilling your promise to make today special and argument-less. Thank you, Love. Thank you so much. Woo, I just love our kiss picture. Especially because the kiss is right in the middle of the picture. Aww, and you dicks just scrolled up to look at that picture again. Embrace yourselves, it's only the beginning. Baby, text me when you're home okaye? So that I know my Boo is safe at home and about to sleep. On a lighter note, yes Baby, I do have brown eyes. Thank you for noticing them after 8 months, lol, kidding my dear. Oh, and I plucked out one of the pair of leaves from the coconut tree and remembered that I could make a grasshopper out of it. So I made it and I threw it at Kina, who was apparently shocked, but actioooon, fasking hell! So then, chyea. Mary + Kina were damn fascinated by the stupid grasshopper I made and they asked me to teach them. So chyea, I did. Lol, and we were all happy people. We took the 3 grasshoppers and threw it on the roof. Which was quite entertaining, hm. But before that, Baby made our grasshoppers 'fly'. Lol, which was rather funny with the sound he made. Hah, Baby you cute little thing. I'd eat you all over if I could. And I damn totally forgot that I have school tomorrow. Some shitty fasking East Cluster thing held by our school, for the Malay 'O' Level candidates. And me and Eeraa have to be the freaking prize-givers? As fat as I am, that's the size of your hope. Hey bitch, fat hope. Im so not going to go around giving pens to shitty students from Victoria, KC, Ping Yi, St Pat's and our own students. Its so not funny, prixsz? And me and Eeraa are so going to lepak sampai mati tomorrow. And you fasking Manan, you. You want to add me, you ask me to add you. Me + Mary already helped you with Eeraa and you so totally became a dick to let your psychotic girlfriend do that to my bestfriend. You fasking betch! You don't deserve Eeraa. Dig a hole in the ground and duck your head innnnn! Grr, geram aku. FASKING BOY!

Ps, Maisarah, stop hitting my boyfriend so hard. It actually hurt him when you punched him in his digestive system. You kuku brain, you!

Baby, this one's for you:

Sometimes, you feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes, you find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. At times, you can absolutely love a person while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarentees, but you can expect that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes and falling in love will change your life.

Everyone says that love hurts. But that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuses these things with love. But really, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again.

I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the only one that understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and when I cry, because I know that you're the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we've spent with each other, for those were some of the best memorable times in my life. And these memories will never, ever fade. For these, will be the memories that will forever be etched in my heart. And for all the times we've fought, you know I only plead for what's best for us. Sometimes we break up, sometimes we make up. But when love is true, it finds a way. When we love someone truly, he will forever have a spot in your heart. I love you, Boo and you will forever have my heart.

When you love someone who can't love you back

2009-05-14T21:37:00.005+08:00

I'm feeling: Agitated

Let's skip the acquaintances and just go straight to the shit that's going down, okay? Im pushing myself to my limits, Im holding back my doubts, Im doing everything I can to make our rs work. And you're just simply weighing me down. I blog to express my anger, and you scold me and give me attitude. You cause our arguments, you make it up to me and on that same night, you make our rs walk the plank. I don't know what's gotten into you already. If you changed to have your revenge on me, sure. Your revenge is claimed and you, yet again did it. Maybe that's how it's going down. I took hours, days, weeks, months perfecting myself for you and our rs. Im doing everything to perfect our rs even when it means Im going to lose my friends and family. You tell me you don't want to lose me. But as ironic as you are, you're pushing me out of your life. You're not helping. Silly me, why do I even try, right? Don't bother watching the links, don't bother watching the movie. And please, don't wipe my tears tomorrow. I've had my fair share, now I just can't take it. Earlier today, this morning, you made me say that I'll never leave you no matter what shit happens. And on this very same day, at night, about 7 hours later, you're pushing me out of your life, and Im walking away whole-heartedly. I've done what I can, I gave what I could. I put in my heart, my blood, my efforts, my sweat *and my throat and health* for 8 damned months to build our relationship, you took two damn sentences to end it. Good on you, yeah? I've learnt my lesson this time. My head is saying "Fool, forget him". But, my heart is saying, "Don't let go". Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do cus I'm hopelessly devoted to you. But what's left of it now, right? You take me like Im a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you. But now this fool is getting up and leaving. Today I asked you where our love went and you replied, it never left and that it's not far away, that it's near. Now I see for my own eyes, our love was never there at all. Mine was, but yours was never seen or felt, yours was only heard about. That's right, that's what I said. I've never seen or felt your love. I was just a joke to you. Jokes grow old and soon they're not enetertaining anymore. And that's when we forget them. I used to know you. Now, it's like I don't know and I don't even want to know you anymore. I learnt my fair lesson. I tried to love a stranger. But I forgot what Momma always told me,"Never ever talk to strangers." It's your friends you don't want to lose, not me. You had me where you want me, now Im going on home.

2009-05-14T16:14:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling: Appreciated

Hi, it's 4.16 pm currently. I just had my last paper today. Stupid MCQs. So ogaye, here's my day. Waken at 7 cus Mary has arrived. But it was raining pigs and mice. So then, I had to get up from bed to fetch her from the stop. I went down, w my umbrella. I couldn't open it up at first. Lol. Haha, hop skip jump, we chilled in Abang's room. So I jumped on the bed and went straight to sleep. And Mary beside me watching It's a Boy Girl Thing. Which I will watch later on. So whilst sleeping, she was on the phone with Eeraa. Lol, it woke me up. Yada yada, Mary went to the shop to buy something so sekali jalan, met up with Eeraa at the shop while I just slept my morning through. And this irrit girl, Eeraa, woke me up! Lol, she shook me from my sleep and loud-hailed,"Aku dah smpaaai, banguuun! Woo!" I got up, told her to go home and went back to sleep. Hahahaha, and I did. Lol so then, soon after we did nothing much lah. Had a girl-girl-girl day in the room and we all were laughing and stuffs lah, but yada yada. Then Boo texted me at about, say, 11.38am? Mhm, yeah. So yup that's all we did. Im too lazy to blog about this, but yes, I can't wait for tomorrow's picnic with Mary+Helfi and Baby. We'll try okay, Honey? Goodnight dear, I love you so much. If it doesn't hurt, it isn't love. I never thought Id fall in love like this. This love I have makes all my previous relationships look like child's play. Heh, and that is a good thing. So, bye thens. And I love my bestfriends, Mary + Eeraa. Not forgetting my everything, Ilham Baby. Fuh, baaaik punya!

Bye<3

Oh, and ps, I've been watcing alot of touching videos on YouTube. Feels so good, Im shedding a tear. Oh, and Boo when you wake, watch these for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgaHwaG055I&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8cGKY9U46Q&feature=related

2009-05-13T22:20:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Tatau lah!

Hi, it's me again. 10.22 pm and Im officially dying slowly by this new suicide method called love. Sometimes a girl needs to know that she's appreciated for all the things she does and has done, with some sort of token of love. Because without it, her young heart won't know. He said," I promise not to hurt you, promise not to lie. Promise to befriend you and defend you with my life. I promise you forever, I promise you today." If you break your promise, we're breaking up. A couple things that I want. Walks in the park and sweet things, if I rock your promise ring. I could be pretty young thing, you could become my king. I gta have you by me, yes, I'll rock your promise ring. How in the world could a girl say no to lies and sweet nothings. I thought I knew it, the moment he made my features glow. It's good to know I'm who he chose. It was my heart he felt, now it just doesn't show. Come correctly, with a promise ring, and you just might be my boo.

2009-05-12T15:11:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling: So content w life.

Hi, it's 3.12 pm and me and th girls just had another bonding session over at my pad. It was terribly fun and we ALL had fun and laughter tickling our funny bones. Alot of fun things happened, and to add, Baby has been wonderful. It feels so much more fulfilling to be able to say th truth instead of pretending and such. I love today. Me + th girls took a total of 137 pix excluding cell phone images. So gyeah, I'm uploading all 137 on my photobucket and they'll soon be up at the "boyfriend" column. Which I will settle th alterations to that. On a lighter not, I so need to dust my keyboard. And Eeraa, no, I didn't forget, MMMM-MAMAT!

Ps, I'm having th I'm-changing-my-blogskin-cos-I-feel-like-it feeling. Hohoho, this will be fun!

2009-05-10T21:21:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: I've got to trust him, I know he'll pull through

Hi, it's 9.23 pm and I just got home from Mothers' Day celebration at grandma's. And he woke up at 6+ today, whee personal record kan, you? So again w th arguments today. It dragged all th way til almost 9 pm. So then I was watching Death Race halfway through on my iPod. Hehehe. Actually, I was given the choice on whether I want to go along w my family, but since it was Mothers' Day, I thought, Hey, why not just waste one day of your life for this, right? If I could waste 8 months, what trouble is 1 day? So then gyeah. Practically me and Boo are worked out now. Maybe we'd still have more petty arguments, but hey, we're only beginning, right? We'd need to find all th potholes and empty spaces in each other, right? I'm struggling to survive, but yes, love does wonders to us all. And sometimes in life, you feel th fight is over. And it seems as though, the picture's off th wall. Superstar, you finally made it; but once th picture becomes tainted, that's what they call: The Rise and Fall. I had some rough days, but he asked to be given the go-ahead to take me out. So of course I wouldn't say no, right? And just for th record, I miss Lily, alot. I like jumping topics, it's my hobby. And I just remembered, I have to talk to Eeraa about something. Something very terrible. No one else can listen to this, except Eeraa. Okaye fine, of course my Love too. It's been so long since I saw Eeraa, eh? I'm starting to miss her, hehe. So anw, I'm off to do some secret things and make love with my Baby, real love.

Bye Baby, I love you. It's 9.46 pm now.

2009-05-10T04:39:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling: Stoned as hell

Hi, it's now 4.40 am and I just had a tiff w Baby. Is this a relationship fulfilling your needs as well as mine? I really don't know. So Monday, Boo asks if he can take me out. And yeah, air yang dingin juga dapat memadamkan api. Halfway through the climax of our heated argument he gave in and decided to talk nicely. Suddenly he calls me boo and it felt so nice. Like a whole weight of shit was lifted off my load. And though he doesn't know this, I'm waiting up for him so I can apologise later on. Or maybe not, idk, I feel like a good game of playing hard-to-get is coming on. This should be interesting. Maybe if you treat me right, I'd be nice. And Baby, what the hell do think you're doing, saying that you love me when I'm nice and happy. And what about the times I'm 'un-nice' and having the regular dosage of problems. I'm sorry I initiated a breakup just now, but I had no choice. Especially when you pushed me away and tell me that our problem can wait till tomorrow. And what are you so busy and caught up with, you may ask? You're busy lepak-ing. It's about almost 5 am now, and he's still not home. I'm kinda alittle confused by that. He's always tired and gloomy when he's out w me, and always not wanting to do certain things reason being he's too tired. Now this explains why I don't get your time? And it's not working out if I have to tolerate being nowhere near one of your priorities. I'm not asking to be your first priority like most girls ask for in relationships, I'm not even asking to be treated of higher status than your friends. I'm only asking to be given equal time. You tell me that I'm only saying that you spend time w your friends all the time just because they live close to you, and I'm all the way here. But hello, like you said, they live close to you and you can see them anytime. So why push me away. I ought to be treated better than you treat them because they live closer to you, right? Why do I get lesser that this? I don't like this. I only want to be treated equally, and that's all. I'm happy enough. I'm easy to please. Why do you still want to ignore that fact? I don't understand why you don't want to get up and do something nice for me. You keep telling me you want to, but that day when its supposed to happen, never comes. I don't want this relationship if I'm getting the treatment of being in one. You know what I mean right, Love? So do it. Even your Mom said it. If you know somebody(who matters) who doesn't like something you do, you'd change it, right? You'd change it, so they'd like(approve of) you. But if you know that somebody doesn't like it yet you still keep on doing it, then it's just you being ignorant and purposely trying to get on that person's nerve. Your darling Mom said that. Why can't you listen. I make you realise that your parents love you. I make you realise that your friends love you. And you acted to that by making both your parents and your friends happy. You did it on your own accord. But when I try to make you realise that I love you, you go on telling me that I'm always expecting something in return. Remember, I'm only asking for what's supposed to be present in a relationship. Examples are, both of you are actually happy w each other, a little affection goes a long way, and that no matter how angry, the guy comes up to the girl to hold her and take the pain away, when she's in tears of because of him. And I don't get all that. I feel like I'm in a relationship full of poverty where none of the basic necessities are met. I'd like to be loved too, you know. And when I deny your hugs, you know I'm only saying that because I'm angry or disappointed at/with you. When I say no to your affection, it means yes with a little extra icing on top. Just "try" again, right? That's what you're going to say and that's what I'm used to. So be that.

Bye, its now 5.08 am and he's still not home. I bet he's thinking that I'm already asleep so he can hang out and around lazing w his friends all day and leave me to wake up an angry pig. Because he's never there for me when I wake anyway. Oh well, there's no such thing as happiness in my books anyway. We'd only have to deal w it, w a smile. Like every other day, pretence is the art of disguise. You obviously don't give 2 fucks about our relationship, so let that be. One morning when I'm good to go, you'll wake up and I'm not there. And that's when you'll feel the pinch. Open your eyes, darling. Everything in our relationship has changed since day 1 til today. I even became a different person just for you. And if you've seen no difference, the only problem lies within you. Take a step out to the real world, and stop living in denial.

Again, my fingers got the better of me. My only intention was to blog out of boredom, and this is where it led me to. I'm off to wait for that boy to come home and be too tired to talk to me, so that he can push me out of his schedule again. Oh well, that's that and that's all you get.

2009-05-09T20:31:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling: WHAT O.O

Hi, its 8.34 pm and I don't know where boyfriend is or what he's doing. Good job eh, you. (Y) And, so much for wanting to text me once in awhile. You know, maybe it's really time to go. As much as I want to stick around and keep repeating," It's okay. " And always having to trust your," I'm sorry, Boo. I'll change, okay? I promise. " I've given you all the time you've wanted. Nothing's different. I can't take it anymore. You're the kind of guy who puts your friends first, you told me that, didn't you? And I'm not asking for you to put me before your friends, you know. I'm only asking for you to balance your time between me and your friends. When you're with me, you're always calling your friends, you're always doing something with them. And when we're with them, you ignore me. This is not a relationship. This is called me, being a stupid fool. Maybe, this time it really calls for some decision making. I've made my decision. I need to hear yours. BUT, there's never a right time for me. There isn't any time for me, at all. If I wanted to talk to you after you've got home from going out, you'd complain and say that I always have too much to say. And that I'm always getting at you whenever you're tired. But I need this. No, we need this. My heart tells me to listen to my head. My head tells me to listen to my heart. And I only end up with an upset stomach. I hate this, I hate all of it. Have you ever thought of it? If you put your friends first, do they put you first? Of course they don't. They either have their girlfriends before you or, they know how to balance the time. If you could be in my shoes for one day, and someone could treat you the way you do me, I'd swear on my grave you wouldn't last and you'd be crying the whole day. This is it. I'm not going to be weak anymore. I'm not deaf, Ilham. I heard what you did after your friend told you to talk to me. I heard with my own ears, he asked you to go over to me to talk to me and stop acting like I'm not there. And you simply shun his words and asked me to sit. S-I-T. You're my boyfriend and I don't even know where you are, or what you're doing. That's the final straw. When you said you're the kind of guy who puts his friends first, when you said that you're only saying things to make me happy and when you said that you just can't be bothered, I've never had love for you without trying to force myself. I've given you everything in life. I've sacrificed even my relationship with my family members. And there you are pushing me around. This is not the life I chose. This is not the price I paid for handing you my life. I'm going to take a walk in the park and I may not be coming back. Oh hey, suddenly you decided to text me after 3 hours? Wow, you've really done it this time, haven't you. You've pushed it this far, dear. I didn't want to have to resort to this. But you made me do it. So go on and put your friends first. When you get home and suddenly find that I'm not there, just remember I loved you and it will never be the same. Gave you everything, and you threw it all away. Everything, I loved you endlessly. But when it comes to me, you don't even notice me. It's nice like this I wish raindrops would fall to cover my tears, wishing I could replace all those wasted months of loving someone, who couldn't love me back. And now again, I/we've got to start from scratch, but I know, I've given you my everything.

So bye, it's 9.08 pm now.

2009-05-09T00:32:00.005+08:00

I'm feeling: Baby, where are you when I need your comfort the most?

I just want to be able to turn back time. If only I could just change one night. I would have reasoned why you should have appreciated what you have, me. Another mistake, to add up to all the others you've made. But i never gave up thinking you'd change. I've always believed that one day, you'll wake up from your daze, and see how beautiful life really is and how we should be in love again. Don't you see Im so afraid for our relationship. I could barely have a moment whereby I don't think of whats going to happen to our relationship anymore. Even if everyone thought you were a disaster to my life, I always thought you had so much potential. I really do love you and my heart is aching so badly cos i just wished I had the ability to take you away from the chaos of our love. And right now, Im indecisive. Im getting the indecision feeling to get up and walk out, because I know you're done and tired of having to talk things out everytime. I never really did mind all the times you turned your back on me. Neither did I mind when I had to be in love with you, and you just had to sit, stare, talk to your friends, do nothing, and at the end of the day, apologise. Today, I fell apart cos I don't know if Im to be blamed. Or if I could have done anything many months ago, in my own power to make things right. This should'nt have happened. I'm terrified and I can't contain my emotions and tears even when I tried telling myself I should'nt be crying cos maybe this was the right thing. I don't want this for our relationship. Especially not for all the hardwork we(actually I) 've put in. Today you told me that we needed to go to the beach. Yeah maybe we do. And no, I don't want another time when we cry and shout and talk things out, in the end, it all falls back to base one on your half of the game. I'm pulling myself together everytime you tell me you'll do it. You never do.

Hi, it's 12.40 am and Im waiting for my Baby's wake. Idk if he's going to wake up or not, but I don't want to miss it when he does. You see, it's terribly unfair how we tell each other we're in love with one another, but the way I take our relationship by the reins, and how you sit on for a ride, it gets on my nerves. Sometimes I like to think that you don't deserve me. But when I turn back and reminisce on all the fun laughing times we've had, I start to miss you and I start to love you and that's where the feeling of slavery to your love and every desire hits me. We're not what we think we are. You're not doing your part in our relationship. If you could just ignore me less and donate your affection, show your love and sacrificing your time for me more, our relationship would bloom. You tell me you fall for me everytime we laugh and have fun. But, Air Pun Ada Pasang Surutnya. You can't expect me to be happy all the time, and you do nothing to make that happen. You're full of expectations, dear. Put your heart where your mouth is. Stop saying things you don't want to do. When I try to get up and leave, schizophrenic kicks in. One, I'll think back on how we used to love. How YOU used to love. Two, I start to tell myself that people change, and you did. Now you can't change back. Three, I'll feel like I'm leaving without my share like you owe me too much to let you go. Four, my little fickle heart will give in and tell my head that it's okay, that I'll stick around for awhle. Five my silly brain tells my heart, "He'll mean it this time, for sure."

It leaves me pondering how you don't want to be lovey dovey infront of your friends because you think it's "gay", when your friends are actually doing it. This is a critical situation, and I wasn't comparing. I was giving a clear-cut of you giving your reasons. You're the best boyfriend when no one is watching. But when your friends come around, you ignore me, you push me away, and I suddenly don't recognize the man holding my hands. And that's when your friends don't see how happy I am when no one's watching. They always, always only see when I become a bitch. On equal pars, this embarasses, insults and humiliates me. It gives your friends a different stereotype of me. Everyone who doesn't know me like my girls, tell me I'm unreasonable, I'm demanding, I'm controlling, I'm everything of the negative. Have they seen what you are? Must everything we do have to be run along what your friends think? If it is, I'm sorry. I'm getting my things, I'm taking back my love. What ever happened to, "Baby, you know it's all about us. Don't be affected by what other people do or say. Start loving, in your way." I'm going crazy missing the old you. If you were who you were back then, and I'm the me who is all changed and dressed up for you now, love would be a whole different meaning to me. Love would be life, and life for us would be alot less hectic. Maybe you should start thinking of my feelings like how you used to back then. Im tired of telling you it's okay anymore. Cos it's really not okay. I don't make a big fuss when we're with your friends. Cos it would be a spoiler for you having a great day with your friends, if I suddenly come up to your ear and whisper," We need to talk." And suddenly now, I know what it feels like to have a child. To have someone to be making you empty promises.

You used to tell me to not bother about what other people would say because in the end, it's us who's going to have to deal with each other, anyway. Now, you're letting only the words that a stranger has said on one night, affect you. What about the tears, the sweat and blood, the pain, the love, the feelings, the hardwork, the commitment, the perseverance, the patience, the respect, and the times, and so much more your girlfriend has given to you, for a whole period of 8 months now. Now, what about that? Won't that affect you? Why won't all my sacrification affect your feelings and emotions. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep everynight and giving myself the reassurance on your behalf that everything will be just fine. Baby, maybe you should sit, with me, and think about how we are actually going downhill because of you. I'm beginning to lose my trust, my belief, my pride, my honour, my hope in you. And our love is beginning to lose it's shine. Why must we always have to do this. It's causing me so much hurt than it's causing you so much trouble. It might be a hassle, but it's the only way out of it. I wished that we could turn back time, and go back to when we were to shy-guys wanting to hold each other's hands. You remember the first time we gave our relationship a go? It was so beautiful back then. You were the perfect boyfriend in my eyes. Now I'm sitting here crying, trying to figure out a way to reach your prismic soul. I miss you, Ilham. I miss the old you. I have a heart, because I can feel it fall in love, and I can feel it breaking. I have feelings, because I can feel it hurting. Do you have a heart and do you have feelings, Dear?

We've tried everything we could. But there's just one more plan left. I would love to spread out the game plan for you, but I'm starting to think that maybe I would just be wasting my time. Reach me as soon as you finish reading this, Love. We need this change, badly. Before I regret getting up to leave you. Boo, we'll do this, we'll find a way out. Remember to get back to me when you're done with this. I love you, I miss you):

This might be long. And as much as I'd like to stop giving birth to long posts, as often as I do, sometimes I feel the need to. Because this is the only way I can get you to hear me out. I don't want to blog about things, THIS long. It gets tiring. I mean sometimes I wished people didn't have too much to comment about. But then again. You can never stop anyone from talking, can you now huh? I'm not disturbed by the cold stares. And neither am I affected by all the whispers I keep hearing because it comes to a point whereby I think I'm fine just the way I am.There must be alot of typo errors in this. These are the kind of mistakes you can expect to see and make when you're crying and typing frustratingly at the same time.

2009-05-08T23:02:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling: Pissed/Stoned/Dumbfounded/Devastated/Loveless/Indecisive

Hi, it's 11.20 pm and I'm blogging. Baby hasn't replied my text since 8.49 pm. It's so unlikely of him to sleep like that. So then it's 11.21 pm now and he should actually be having another lepak session til 6 am tomorrow, like everyday. He won't listen to me, he'll listen to his friends. He won't wake up at the time he wanted me to wake him up, but as soon as members call to waste time at the void decks, there he is, bringing all the time he has, to be burnt down the drain. You could've used the time to so called 'work out' your relationship like you said you would. But maybe your friends got the best of you. Okaye, so it's darn obvious by now that I'm knocking on the wrong door. I've got to face it one day or another. So better say it now. You're the kind of person who's laidback, too laidback for a relationship. And, I, will do anything to save my relationship. You just can't be bothered about your girlfriend and relationship that's rolling downhill faster than you're longboarding. And I, won't eat in school to put aside some money to come over and meet you. And the money put aside is no more than 3 bux, but hey, when you're in love, every penny counts when it brings you closer to him. You're the kind who can't give love. And I'm the kind who wants love. Tsk, you you. When we're away and not face to face, you love me like crazy. And it all toggles back to square one as we meet. Idk what to say, idk what to do. Up to you, Ilham. It's all in your hands now. Do you still want this? Wasn't it just yesterday you told me you feel bad for doing this to me, and I forgave you because you said you wanted to give me a better relationship? Wasn't it just earlier today you said you felt ashamed whenever you compare yourself to me? Wasn't it just every other day you said you want to work our relationship out. Tell me what you've done to make this any different. And it was just 3 days ago, we had a very terrible heart to heart. Did any of that actually hit your heart and brain hard enough that I'm struggling to save our relationship and you're not doing any good by saying you want to help, but you just sit there and enjoy the show? I don't know. You call the shots. I'm not tired of talking to you about this, and I actually enjoy solving problems with you. But I'm tired of being disappointed time, and time, and time, oh, and time again. Idk what to do anymore.

It's 11.32 pm now, so bye.

Amended!

One day, you will wake up with nothing but "You're sorry". And someday, you will get back everything you gave me. Blow the candles out. Looks like a solo tonight. I'm beginning to see the light, blow the candles out. Looks like a solo tonight, but I think I'll be alright. Okay, no maybe not. Boy, open your beautiful eyes and get your butt working for love.

2009-05-07T21:57:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Moodswinging

Hi, it's 10.15 pm and Boo wanted me to 'Pimp' my cursor 'cos he liked the sparkly cursor. You're welcome eh, Love. So then, tomorrow Im having Physics -_- afterwhich me + Mary are going to bus down to Semb to meet those 2 piggies. Yes, piggies. Sudden feel of thinspiration. That feeling's hitting me again. And Boo, I've got something to ask youuuu. Tell me when you're done bathing/eating okaye(: I hate having moodswings. Its turning me inside out and it's making me angry at certain people for no reason. So yeah that's practically it. Tomorrow me + Mary hsve got to decide if we want to take 854 to Yishun thn 859 to his bus stop or 60 to Bedok, then 168 to Woodlands and finally another bus to Ham's stop. Oh oh, and Love, you've got to ask me about th thing I've got to ask you, okay? Because I will never pick up enough courage to ask for permission for this.

So #1, ask for permission.
#2, confirm w Mary what bus to take.
#3, THINSPIRATION.

2009-05-07T18:07:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling: Lovelovelovelovelove

Hi again, it's 6.08 pm now and my Baby's already up. I missed him while he was away. And I'm currently camming w my boy. And I have nothing better to do so I'm blogging again, heh heh heh. Cute right, my mood icon. Aww, I know. Oh, currently just listening to songs that keep me in my mood So then, I just got news that I'm not seeing Baby til' Monday. And we're not even sure if we're going to be able to see each other on Monday. And, I have a gigantic ulcer growing on the side of my mouth. I tried to brush it away as I was brushing my teeth. Instead, it just got worst. Smart move, you dumb ass. So now, it's either I smile widely or I don't smile at all. Sigh, ulcer please. Go away, sweetheart

2009-05-07T16:29:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling: Terribly in love/Im missing you, boo

Hi, its 4.36 pm and I'm still missing my Baby. I miss you so much, Dear. So anyway I had my Math Paper 2 today. It was rather do-able. I finished in th nick of time, man. Like 5 minutes before it was time. I was scarmbling to tie my pieces together. So then I had my Geog paper which I didn't give nuts about. Th things that I've prepared myself to study for weren't tested. Good one, Mr Sidek. You caught me, AND TH REST OF TH CLASS TOTALLY OFFGUARD! So then, we had to stayback to listen for Art for awhile. Mary came over to my place. We chilled and stuff and I chatted w Kina on her account for awhile. Im so bored. And now, I'm getting new mood faces! Yayyyy. More moods for you! I shall have a face for all my moods now. Hohoho, this is beginning to be of my interest. I have better things to do now. But now, I'm just waiting for Baby's wake. Wakey wakey, sunshine.

I miss you, Hun.

2009-05-06T22:08:00.003+08:00

Mood: Argh, mugging sucks.
Listening to: The damned radio.

Hi. Its 10.09 pm now. And I miss Baby like insanity. I slept after webcamming and being otp w Boo for about 2 hours since 3.30 pm til about 6.30 pm. After which Baby went for early dinner and I was sleepy as hell. But I knew I needed to mugg! Grr. So Baby wanted to sleep too. So we slept together. I set my alarmed to 8.30 and Fred had to disturb my sleep. He just had to, boo ~~sampai mati~~ pergi mati, to you. So I finally woke at 9 pm and set my alarm to 10.30 pm where Baby would wake up(: I was so enthu to study that I even bought a new notebook w a very disturbing colour to my eye just to write down notes. I thought I could handle being online and mugging at the same time. Well, it turns out I can't, so haha. I'll study in school tomorrow kaaay, janji Melayu! Eeraa is not coming to school tomorrow and we're not going to Sembawang tomorrow. Longgg story, eh Mai! Main-mainkan perasaan orangs.

Hihi, my Baby. Thank you so much, Sayang. You finally kept to your word to change for me. Though the day we had yesterday was filled w drama, shouting and screaming, me almost slapping you and your mom crying w us *I still dk why she did that*, you know I love you right, Boo. And all that I do, is only to better our relationship. And I finally saw boyfriend material in you today while you wanted to do all those little things for me, on your own accord. It might seem like not of a big deal t oyou and the rest of the world, but simple words and actions make me happy. It's very sweet of you to want to call me everytime to tuck me in bed, just before I have my rest. It's very sweet of you to have set your alarm to 5.45 am just wanting to keep me company in the morning. But you woke up way too early at 5 am and didn't get to accompany me, it's okay, Baby. You tried. And when you requested for me to be hanging up the phone first from now on, w your reason being: Ladies first, you made me go totally head over heels for you. See, you never knew I was being literal when I said,"I'm the easiest person to keep happy." You just never tried to do that, last time. That's why you never knew. Now you know that the simple flowers and leaves make me happy, right. Thank you so much, Love. This is all that I've ever asked of you. And I'm hoping this will keep up. I never want to have to shout at you anymore. I'm sorry, Dear.

Baby you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms. I'm finding it hard to believe we're in heaven. Love is all that I need, and I found it htere in your heart. It isn't so hard to believe, we're in heaven.

: I want to stay, I want to make it work. Baby, you give me all the strength that I need for anything :D

NTS, fix your MF asap. Because IE makes your blog look uglier than it already is, Peace!
Ps, btw my laptop is going blizzarrrrrrd!

2009-05-06T14:42:00.002+08:00

Mood: Hopeless
Listening to: Avril Lavigne - I'm With You

Baby, do you mean it when you said that you came back only because my Mom texted you and that you felt guilty.
Oh hello, I had my Malay paper just now. They gave us 2 hours each for both papers. And I wrote my last answers (for both papers) at about 45 minutes from the start time. Mhh, I have nothing to blog about, about yesterday. Maybe, some stuff should just be kept in private. Am I forcing you or are you sincere? Please tell me, Baby. So that we can settle the differences and keep the distance. I didn't know I bullied you. Im sorry.
Things will never be the same anymore. God is our guide, we shouldn't turn down options. Lord knows that you're my angel. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I love you, but I don't know if the fire burns the way it used to, when I met you. If we can't say it so, then what's the point of holding on. I don't know what's in my head to pretend it's alright. It's not time to say goodbye. Listen, things just aren't the same as they used to be. I don't know what it is. But, I'm just not sure if I can do this anymore. I mean, everything happens for a reason, right? Well, maybe our reason is not now, but I love you. I got something on my mind, and I think you deserve to know. It's just so hard to explain the feelings I'm feeling inside, when loving you ain't the same, leave it alone till it breaks. Things are making sense and I really can't decide. When I know it’s time to move on, should I hold onto what we have? Pretend it's alright when it's time to say goodbyes. Now, don't get me twisted. I'm not trying to point no fingers at you. We both did some wrong like most relationships do. But Baby, I just don't know what else to do when it's time to move on. I'm coming to you like a girl, here I am, Boo. When life is at situation that can change your whole world. I rather not live a lie, I can't explain it. Just let your heart decide and we'll be okay, Love. God is our guide and we'll make it through; We've got to make it through 'cause I love you.

: Should I go, should I stay? Will this work or is it too late?

2009-05-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

some just take a slice of reality and throw it in my face, please. who am i kidding. hahaha, im only 16. this can't be true love. it's way too early. or is it, now? idk what to be feeling right now. shd i gve up and let go. or shd i keep i jst smile and pretend its alrght? if we cant save it now, then whats the point of holding on.

i miss you, baby. cll me soon lah, pantat.

2009-05-04T20:11:00.004+08:00

Mood: Damned
Listening to: nothing

Hi, I just had my first "Trial Prelim" paper. I had English just now. And school was a blast. We kept laughing and I didn't want to believe that laughing through the day would result in crying through the night. Mary + Kina and Baby came over to my place. We played alot. Lol, grown kids playing. Me and Boo hid in the storeroom with our faces infront of the door and yet those 2 bozos couldn't see us. Earlier, me and Boo had arm wrestling, foot wrestling, face wrestling and regular wrestling. And the 2 lovebirds lay on their tummies wasting my laptop. Heh, so then Helfi went to send Mary home and in the end, Baby's promise to talk things out today, backfired. He was the one who suggested the talk. He was the one who promise. He was the one who broke it again. I don't want to say much. And now, I'm currently wasting my ass on doing the Impossible Quiz. Im at question 60. Hohoho. Bye<3

Out of 110 questions, im at 65, yaaaaaay!

Damn that quiz. I was up til 76-_-
Im going to go take a pee now. Turrah.

2009-05-03T13:16:00.004+08:00

Mood: Hopeless
Listening to: Avril Lavigne - I'm With You

Well, so much for my happy ending. I've been talking to Mary alot about my issues. And she's been keeping my can empty now. At least I have someone to talk to, to let out all that I've kept inside. Thank you for being there. I think that if she weren't there to listen to my very long complaints, I would've ruined my relationship by now. But then again, she's right though. If he's too used to being single, he were single close to 8 months ago. Shouldn't he be used to having a girlfriend by now?

You used to captivate me w your beauty when you shower me w love. Now, I'm just at an abrupt hit when you use such words on me. But I'll keep holding on. I'll keep riding your wave til' I drown in my own misery. I love you, Baby. Wake up, darling.

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave. Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone. These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase. When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years. But you still have all of me. You used to captivate me by your resonating light. Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me. I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.

"Look here he comes now. Bow down and stare in wonder. Oh, how we love you. No flaws when you're pretending."

: Call my name and save me from the dark. Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I'm with you. I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside.

2009-05-02T23:23:00.005+08:00

Mood: OHMYGODDDD
Listening to: -

Then:

	F is for Tash.			cn you believe it, i ws so patient(:
	F is for Tash.			heehee. i wnted to text you bt i ddnt cs i ws scared yr friend ws using th phne or tht you mght b busy.

F is for Tash.

so i waited. and waited. and nw yre here(: i miss you.

	hong gan™ be seen not be scene		aww baby
	hong gan™ be seen not be scene		but u noe u can text memanitime rite
	hong gan™ be seen not be scene		i might busy bt i cld still reply u late

Now:
I tadi ckp i'll text u later bt till nw im still texting u...

No lah u ckp if busy tell u.. I tell u bt u still texting me... Its always like dis tau... I tido pon same... Dats y i sound cranky all the time..
..........................................................................................................................................................................

Im sorry, Baby. Please forgive me. I'll never share w you another happy moment when I pass my Math test. I'll never share w you another disappointing moment when I'm jealoused that some guys are just there for their girls. I'll never share w you another deedful moment where I want to do something for YOUR mom and my mom on Mother's Day. I'm sorry, honey. I'll never do it again, I promise. Always, always remind me to help myself before I help others okay, sweetie? I'm sorry I was texting you while you were watching Wujud. After watching Wujud, I'm sorry I replied your text while you were playing Guitar Hero. On second thought, Baby do you have time for me?

Fear grips us because we have things to lose. And if it happens too often, it may mean we're holding onto lots of things. One way out of fear is to simplify our lives.

2009-05-02T17:11:00.003+08:00

It makes me wonder how we look like we get along all the time. But that's love. And that's just how it is. Though it hurts so much, every single day. I won't doubt it whether or not we're in love. Sometimes, I do things the hard way to make you realise certain stuff. Others, I just take in the hurt and hope so hard that you'll stay. But you wanted to know what's on my mind. So I told you. And when I did, you asked me,"Den wat am i suppose to say wen u say wat ure thinking?" Of cos I wouldn't know, right? Sometimes, I pity myself. I keep falling in love with the wrong people. But I think to myself again, that being in love doesn't mean we need to be on the same wave lengths to succeed in a relationship. We just need to be able to ride each other's waves. And it's things like this that keep me going on strong to loving you. By nature, we're not what each other wants and looks for in a partner. But there's something about you that I never thought of looking for. And that's exactly why when you came around, you were all I thought of. I couldn't figure out what this "thing" was about you. I just knew it was right there inside you. It could be the contrast between the way you treated me back then and the way you treat me now. Thus, bringing me to what lies deep inside you. It could be the way you got my mind off my late dad and gave me the love I would never ever have; love from a man. Thus, making you family. Making you one of the elements running between my veins. It could be how you played the role of a family to me. A happy family. Thus, you were like my Mother, you were like my Father, you were like a sister, you were like a brother. And put together all the love I'd have for each of my family members, I gave all that lovewrapped in glossy paper topped with a ribbon to hold, to one person, you. It could be so many things. But maybe, it was just fate. You're like a colour I've never seen. A taste I've never tasted. A smell I've never sniffed. A sound I've never heard. A texture, I've never touched and a feeling I've never felt. You deserve all the beauty, you deserve all the brains, you deserve all the good, you deserve the world, but Baby I'm sorry. My love is all that I can afford to give to you. And I know it's not enough. I can never bring you enough of anything. I don't have the brains, I don't have the beauty. But my heart is sincere enough, and it is all I have to offer you. I hope you could bring your expectations alittle lower, so I could reach for it. And for once, I'll be contented with myself for doing something worthy of anybody's praises. And too, for that one time, I'll make my parents proud for bringing good love home for myself and my future. I just want to say I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong, and I'm sorry for all the fights and arguments we've had in the past. There is a battle that goes on between men and women. Many people call it love. And love is not just a system for getting someone to call you darling after sex. Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you. I've never looked at it that way while I was growing up. I've always thought that love was just a sideline thing. I've always wanted to chase down my dream before I'd decide to fall in love. But now, I don't want to live; I want to love first, and live coincidentally. And sometimes, I'm not sorry for making mistakes, sometimes I'm not sorry for anything. Because, I won't be sorry for being perfectly born as an imperfect human. Though I've been saying that I've tried and tried, I finally realise that I haven't tried at all. Because if I have, I would've gained something by now. But I haven't gained not even a speck of dust. And from this moment forth, I'll really push myself to my limits, to really try. Im sorry this was a long one. I realised alot of stuff along the way as I wrote this line by line.

2009-05-02T12:08:00.004+08:00

Mood: Sleepy/Utter resentment & frustration
Listening to: Mario feat. Ne-Yo - What is it gonna be

Hi. It's 12.10 pm and Im patiently awaiting Boo's wake. Which won't happen anytime soon because SOMEBODY went home in the am, though he was beat and stuff. And texted me saying," I shouldn't have seh.. If i know I go home straight sey..." Yup, that's all you say everytime, right Love? You shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have done that. But time and time again, you do it. Un-understandable. So class today is postponed from 3-5 pm this afternoon. Idk if I want to go. Im so tired. Besides, I do my own revision at home :) Recently, I've been having an influx of lethargy and restlessness. I wonder what's going on. And to tell you the truth, I haven't been as excited as I used to be to see my Love on days we'd meet. Recently I've been tired, beat out and smarter, or so to say. I've been wondering about alot of stuff. And Dear, if we don't get over it now, later is just a worse time to do so. Let's get it done and over with. I'm sick, tired and disgusted of having to fight time and time again. We haven't fought for anything since we got back together, and you don't have to assume things okay, Sweetie? I'll work things out I promise. Oh, and Sugar. Nothing in this world is perfect. Don't expect a perfect relationship okay? Love is not about seeing perfection. It's about taking the imperfection to a lower level. So rest your weary heart and relax your mind, okay? I'm going to love you til' the end of time. Don't you worry(and dare you not assume) about anything okay. And if you're wondering how I'm feeling, just being around you is a blessing. Because your love is all I have. And that, my Love, is enough til' the end of time. It's not comparison I'm doing. I'm making you realise some things. If you could do it for him/her and you don't even like/love 'em, what less me? You do so much for people you don't love and what about me? So wake soon, think again and reach your love out, Sayang. Will be waiting for the time you have actions to hold out your sweet words and empty promises. It's not as easy as it sounds. You don't want hassle, you don't want arguments, you don't want to sacrifice, you don't want alteration is schedules, you don't want to bother, yet you want everything to be perfect and you want perfection. One can want everything in this world, but he has to work for it. It takes 2 hands to clap. Looks like I'm clapping my own. Where's your share in all this? I'm not alone, and I know it. Open your pretty eyes and use your brain to think okay, sweetheart. I can never play it your way by commiting myself to too much, to be busy for you; Because, you'd have no feelings and you'd just let it be. You don't have feelings of hurt, pain, guilt. You lack that and you need it. Badly. You promise me you'd be a better boyfriend by the next. I can't say anything now, it's too soon. You promised me the time of my life yesterday. But you totally acted like I'm not there yesterday. You promised you'd try harder, but you only seem to say it. And when you're tired of all this, you leave me for another girl and you blame me for not working it out. I've laid my game plan for you, I want you to see what I mean. I don't mean to be pushing you away And if you still think that it's too much a burden, I rest my case. You and I have both seen what you're capable of. Remember last time when you did almost everything you could to see me smile? That was utter beauty. I thought that was the real you. But when you went and changed I got so shocked. And now, I'm slowly trying to get to know the new you. If not new, the you I've never met. I'm trying, give me some time. I'll adapt to all your carefree-ness. I'll stop yaking and nagging all the time. I'll learn to let go. I'll learn to love you less. Just be patient and hold out for awhile, okay Boo? I'm so sorry I'm not perfect and I regret anytime I've troubled you to fall in love.

: Make up my mind if you love me or are just lustful. Because 8 months is way too long to remain in an infatuation phase. If that boy don't love you by now, he will never ever love you.
........................................................................................................................................................................
Mood: In love
Listening to: Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

I made my paths, I'm independent. I dump my boyfriends, and I do our hair anyway I would like. And I look around, and how I'd love to live the single life. And then I tell myself I'll never fall in love again. But then you came around and suddenly I understand, that I have never really been in love before. And suddenly I know that all the love songs they wrote are wrong about love. And suddenly I don't care if its right or wrong as long as you're around. And suddenly the things that used to sound cliche are perfectly right in my eyes. Oh, perfectly right with this guy.
I know its weird, but we are connected. And in some strange and crazy way I think, that we have always been. And now you're here, and you say you love me. And it feels so right. In fact it feels so good that I can't sleep at night. And yes, I know you might get impatient. But it keeps getting better. And if he touches you and you feel your skin is burning, kisses you and you feel your stomach turning, he's the one. He's the one.

: And for everytime that I hurt you, I apologise and I'm sorry. For everytime I correct you, I only want the best in our story. And when I bring you down with my words, I'll always have something nice to say about you.
--------
And just as I pen down my last sentence, you miracly called.

2009-05-01T22:40:00.009+08:00

mood: beaten up, nt beaten, fool. beat-en.
listening to: congkak on th telly

i jst gt hoooome frm gg out w kina + mary and ham. mary balek lmbt or whuuuut. lol. kul 10 pn blm smpai rumah sehhhh org tuuu. okay so anw, we played L4D and thn i ws shoutng th mst cs idk why, bt thr ws sooo mny Tanks! omg. and mary cldnt effing help me bcs she ws th one laughng at me th most. and ham ws th only survivor. i almst reached th boat, bt th damn tree ws blcking my way. damn you, tree. so aftr tht we wnt to eat, thn we headed fr far east cs Akim wnted to pass me my bday gift. hehe, so nice of him. he bought fr me a limited edition Halloween perfume. oooh and it ws so ex siah. and thn we wnt to several malls ard town and we wasted ourslves at skatepark. and thn we wnt hme. and we took pix in th bus. lol. so gyeah thn me and boo waited fr mary's bus to cme. cerewet siah nk double deck. last last, naik single deck. punerane btl. so okay okay. i wna go upload th pix. thn upload thm in myspce too. toodlesxsz(:

enjoi(:

2009-05-01T11:24:00.003+08:00

mood: waiting fr mary to cme ovrrrrrrrrrrrr (ths is so nt a mood lah! lol)
listening to: th television

i ws feelng angry at frst, bt ths rly mde my day. no offnce, bt hahahaha. you rly live up to yr name dnt you, boy.
thank you so mch, HAMSTER. you mde me day, ahahahaha.

anw eeraa, im sorry. okaye? i shdnt hve read yr blog. my mistake, im sorry okay? and i shdnt hve acted so protectve of my belongings. hope you accpt my apology.

2009-04-30T17:13:00.005+08:00

mood: fucktup/betrayed
listening to: Simple Plan - When Im Gone

tday ws a boring sch day. we had dsp and i went hme w th guys, thts all. oh, and idk whr my bf is. and i hve ntg else to blog abt my 7th. and gt well soon, boo. like real soon.

on a lghter note, thrs a diffrnce frm a man and an adolescnt and a friend frm a foe.

: a bestfriend who fucks me up in a private blog and a boyfriend who never shows. oh hell, naw.

"Let's do something crazy. Let's reach out and love one another. This is the year of the lover."

2009-04-29T22:22:00.004+08:00

mood: shaggy shaggy boom boom
listening to:my baby's words in my head

happy 7th monthvrsary, sayang. ilyvmmmm and i hd fun tdy. i shll updte mre tmr. bt i jst coughed blood on my flooring. oh wells. disgsting as hell, i knw. im so tired and i jst had a nice cold water bath. ima wish my baby goodnght and head on to dream world. i'll see you thr, boo. and see you people you on friday okay.

: me + baby played l4d jst nw, a diff chpter, Death Toll, and holy crap im gttng better at it lahhhh. neithr of us died in tht chpter and i cld've sworn we made it jst in th nick of time, hehe. eh krg btw friday, we'll b playng at tht sme ulu ulu pandan plc th oth day, kay. baby, thn we cn go illuma alsooo :D

2009-04-28T21:18:00.004+08:00

mood: Dude, where's my Boyfriend?
listening to: too dwn to listen to anythg... D:

okaye so tday, sch. sch as normal. chyea whtvr. so thn i went hme. it rained. i wlked in th rain w my slippers. and i cld've swore tyou. my slippers are slippery. i guess they're clled slippers fr a reason huh? you cn slip thm on, and they slip off jst lke tht. stupid inventors. dnt they evr cmpare th pros and cons?! so thn i gt hme, my brothers wer gvng me an in-house zoo. screaming and shoutng. fr th frst tme in his 8 yrs, i slapped my little brother. so hard, he ddnt say a word aftr tht. okay fine. i wldve slapped th 2-yr-old too, bt wht good does he knw. anw, he's my baby :D so anw i marched myslf up my rm and nestled. i wiped myslf dry and baby ws apprntly, you guessed it, sleepng. so yeah, prtty mch aftr him sayng im sweet and tht im abt to mke him cry cs im too sweet and yada yada yada, he abruptly potong stim and requested fr sleep -.- baby, you ahhhhh. okaye so fine, he wnt. i laid on my tummy on th floor and did my art whch ws due 3 weeks ago. so yeah okay whtevs. and thn i mde baby's gifts. and evrythng's set nw and i feel like crushng th papers. thn baby asked me to wake him up at 8. so i did. and he wnted to sleep smemre and wake him up at 9 instead. jst tht, i did too. and at 9, he tlls me he wnts to go bck to sleep ): he dsnt hve time fr me anymre cs he's busy sleepng. yes yes, i knw its hardwork to sleep. hvng to toss and turn in bed and smetmes yr pillow jst dsnt feel rght. rght, baby? yes yes. i mean, of cs you'd knw. cs thts wht you do best :D so thn nw im dg nth bt lookng at mary's pm whch is OOOOTTTTTPPPP !! ^^ whch means 'on th phne *inserts eyebrows*' bt oh well. like boo said, theyre new love birds. so okay cncluded frm baby's words, people who've bn in long tim rs arnt supposed to shw love anymre D: oh and funny thng is, he says he wnts to wke up at 10.30 hahahahahaha, so i said yknw wht sweetie, frgt it. you dnt hve to cll me tdy. jst go sleep, okay. i mean, look at it ths way okay. if i woke him up, at 10.30, wht dyou thnk he'll say. hm, tll me. wht dyou thnk he'd say to me D: i thnk i dropped my boyfriend smewhr. i misplced my own boyfriend. on 2nd thght, did he misplce me?

"Pls wake me up at 9 boo... I wanna talk to u otp..."

Love is when the other person's happiness and life is more important than your own^-^

: no, i ddnt frgt to post his pix. i chse nt to, hmpf! *jeling*

2009-04-28T11:28:00.002+08:00

mood: PWG HAP-HAP-HAPPY
listening to: PWG

hola, im in clss nwwww. and mary is busy w her coursework. and omgeeee, mdm azizah stop it siahhhh. mary, eeraa, wan, amy, rz, yknw, i knw, we knw, luh eh? aftr recess, i hve Eng, CME, Bio. i love love love CME clss, man. mdm shar is so laidbck. so anw, ytd me + baby had a good tme. aww my boo's ftching me tmr. and sayang, i ws wtchng yr old skate videos jst nw. yre so cute bck thn. and you stl are nw, dear.

: please remind me to post th pix i took of hun.

2009-04-27T21:21:00.002+08:00

mood: left2die
listening to: my bf's voice fighting zombies on th othr line

to my Passer-by, thanks but no thanks.
heluuuu. sch ws alrght tday. it ws pretty boring. mary ddnt cme to sch. she has her reasons. bt whtevs. so im glad tht i mde th frst move to mke thngs btter whn me + boo had a tiff jst nw. it ws no biggie, okay sayang. i promise i wont thnk too mch(: so anw, i hve to colour my art boards. bt i'll do it ltr i guess. stupidddd. ive done it all. i feel so shitty. i miss my baby and he's nt here to hug me. baby, i miss you. alot. wednesday is my day eh, sayang. thnk you. and anw, tday i wnt to tamp one to gt my gifts fr baby. and i bought a new dress whch baby loves(: i'll buy mre of it kay sayang. so anw sch ws aight. aftr i bought my stff, era bought hers and we wnt to eat at kfc. thn era's soon to b bf, hadri, cme. nice chap, if i mght say so myslf. jst grow sme hair, sweetie. era, go fr it. he hurts you, tll me. i'll break his fckng nck. so anw, me + boo hve been webcmmng sinc abt 5+ til abt 10+. we stopped cus baby wsnt feelng too good. thts hw evryday ends, baby wont feel so good. am i jinxed, dear? bt thn again, oh wells nvm (: nw, im off to find stg to eat fr dinner. i hope thrs thngs to eat. worst cmes to worst, i'll mke myslf sme scrmbled eggs (: so baby, gt well soon okay, love. i'll see you soon, sayang. oh and baby i frgt to tll you, friday we mght b gg out. L4D session, love.

: remind baby hw mch i miss him and tht he's th one i wna mrry.
: 0mg baby, i frgt to tll you wht i dreamt.
: bye thn, loves <3
: 7th months, 7 months, 7 months

2009-04-27T13:02:00.004+08:00

mood: shagged
listening to: Jady - Loveless

ohohoho, im in clss hvng free period and dg prcticlly ntg(: ive bn updtng my diary alot rcntly. and chyea ntg mch rly. nw, im off to set my letter. and thn, i hope itll b good enough. hihi, i love you boo. much muchhhhh! wake up soon okay, darling. and my smiley is itchng, gatalxcs :D baby, im scared abt stg. assure me, love. i miss you, honey :p

"Lord knows, that you’re my angel
The last thing I wanted was to hurt you"

"Comfortable as I am
I need your reassurance
And comfortable as you are
You count the days"

oh baby, i knw smetimes its gna rain. bt baby cn we mke up nw? cs i cnt slp thru th pain, cnt slp thru th pain.

my lovin' is th way to go, its th way to go

2009-04-26T22:24:00.007+08:00

mood: missing you
listening to: Neyo - Empty Frames

okay, so boo is out w his friends, and i dnt wna b busy textng him, rght? wht wld his friends b sayng, and frthermre i knw my baby wnts sme alone time too. so here's wht ive bn up to snce he was away fr th pst 3 hours- chnging + editing of my blogskin, THRICE. i had to go look fr thse v v v cute icons thr. and i kept prssng bckspce, and thr went my edited skin. again and again, i strted frm scrtch. huhu, so cute. bt my hardwork paid off, man! so i gt to cht w boo fr abt half an hour and thn he left again to play wrestlemania. haha, you rly miss faiz dnt you, hun? im feelng an itch. an itch to ask. ask ask ask ask and ask like i alwys do. bt tht'll only b pushng you away. bt if i dnt ask, i wont knw. and if idk, smeone else wil rplce me (evn if you say i wont). baby, dnt let it hppen again okay?i hpe yre happy w th chnge, sayangplease credit me sometime, baby. id love to hear encouraging words frm you. okay thts all. nw, im gna wait til my baby calls me. whch wil b in a v v long time. bt oh well(: tut tudu, life's good.

: tell tashah to shut th eff up.

pix

2009-04-26T19:16:00.009+08:00

2009-04-26T15:31:00.004+08:00

mood: relieved
listening to: Neyo - Mad

so tday my effed phne is thrfre concluded, dead. yes, dead. and yeah baby thnks fr tlking otp w me til 2 am wtching/making/exchnging videos of cute kittens. i love you, bubu. yay yay. so anw i bought an LG chrger fr 12 bux. and i went to th shop to ask, out of curiosity. and it ws 10 bux. eh mf lah you, uncle! ergh, nvm dsnt matter. and i bought areeq a packt of jellies, i bought didi 2 kinder buenos, and i bought thse 2 monkeys peach tea. gyeah thts all. so anw boo is busy plyng l4d. and to mary/helfi, ths cmng wed, th 29th, neithr me nor ham are free okaye. and i knw he tld yout ht we wld meet you guys fr awhle to rght, its again his decision tht th 29th shd b OUR day, being me and him. so you two go meet ech oth or stg. lol okay, bye. mai, we're nt done rounding Tamp One. we need to go thr again soon. so gyeah, lets go! hehe, bye loves. i love you, boo. and eeraa, i wnt th pix :D

on a lghter note, boo cn we go to tht lipgloss booth again? i wna buy tht, pretty please(:
and i wna go gt Here, Here and Here. cs th lineup seems pretty nice :D

2009-04-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

1) How many times a day would you kiss me?
i wld kiss you ten thousnd times if i cld. bt you'd b embarassed in frnt of yr friends and it wld b irritatng anw. so lol. id kiss you whn i cnt tke it anymre :D

2) Would you hold me?
of cs i wld. id do anytg jst to hold you. to hve a loved one in yr arms is th greatest peace of all.

3) Would you take me places?
we'll go plces no one's bn bfre, and we'll b thr, in our own world okay?

4) Would you love me?
i wldnt chnged a thng abt me, i wldnt shed my tears fr you, i wldnt sacrifice fr you if i ddnt.

5) Would you lie to me?
nvr had and nvr wil.

6) If I was sick what would you do?
id cme ovr to brng you food and tke cre of you. i did it th othr day rght? and i'll kp dg it til you gt bttr.

7) Would you leave me for one of my friends?
i wld nvr.

8) Want to have a future with me?
ofcs i did.

9) Would you listen to all my problems and help me solve them?
ofcs i wld. whn you hve a prblm, i do too. i wwldnt see yr prceless smle, and ykno id do anytg to see yr smile again.

10) Would you introduce me to your mom/dad?
yre th frst person i brght home.

11) Would you care about what I wore when we go out?
i wldnt cre if you had sweats on.

12) Would you hang out with me AND my friends?
all th time :D

13) If your friend tried to get with me what would you do?
bitch-slap, pleasuh!

14) If me and one of your friends argued, whose side would you be on?
nobdy's. both of you wld gt it rght, and i dnt care. bt i doubt you'd argue w any of my friends. yre on good terms w thm, all th time. dare they say anthg abt you?

15) If I said I loved you would you say it back?
id say it w/o hvng you to say it to me.

16) How good do i look from 1-10?
yre beautiful all day.

17) How do you feel about me?
i feel th sweetst joy and th deepst pain. yre like a colour ive nvr seen, a smell i hvnt alr knew, a word ive nvr heard and a tste so new.

18) Have i ever made you smile?
evn if you dnt mke me smile physiclly, i'll alwys b smiling in my heart(:

19) Want to spend the night with me?
frgt tht, i wna spend my life w you(:

20) Would we just chill together?
chill smpai matiiiii.

21) If you had an empty house would you call me to come over?
id ask you to live w me.

2009-04-25T22:20:00.010+08:00

mood: out of breathhhhh
listening to: Lily Allen - The Fear

OMFG, ITS BN SO LNG SNCE I HAD A PIC TKEN W BOO. YKNO WHT TO DO, EH SAYANG.

chyea, i had a grt day w bbygirls and bbyboy(s) tday. i ws out w eeraa and mary and boo and helfi. so thn, chyeah he likes her and she likes him and yada yada, im th messenger. make up and all, gyeah funzzies. thn we left. th guys wer supposed to mt us at 3. they met us at 4. jerk-o-manics. so thn we wnt to eat frst bcs i knwng i had to buragaric (derived frm word, buragas) friends, i knw they wld strt eatng at one anothr sooner or ltr. so chyea we left to feed thse to piggies. and wtv we wnt to chck out emax. jst great, it ws full as hell. thn we wnt to cathay too. suprb, filled to th brim. we had our last resorts, we wnt to ths ulu ulu pandan plc. all th lan games had their customers up til here. so thn we found ths cute little dark lan area. to mch avail, thr were seats. bt we wer seperated two by two. and so, era left. chyea okay i tld her she'd b bored bt tht silly girl stl wnted to tag alng, fine whatevs mkes you hppy, ogaye? so thn we split. and obvsly me + ham wer tgther and tht mary + helfi wld b tgthr. of cs tht silly girl wnted to sit w me, bt i frced her to sit w him. dua dua nk step malu malu monster. wtf only siah. wste my time, wna shy shy. so chyea thn we had so mch trouble tryng to join into one gme. and thn gyeah in th end we cld. bt we cldnt chse our own characters, nor cld we edit our nmes. fuck tht luh huh. so thn i ws playng as ths chosen name, Dino. wth siah. so thn i ws like uh, btter thn nothing ah. jst fr fun:

Helfi - aRwiN
Mary - KejamX
Ham - hong gan
Tash - Dino

lolcxs. so thn yeah luh. we cmpleted th game. suka eh kau mai. frst tme main tk luar dah dpt complete. hahahaha i ws th frst survivor to jmp on th heli. lol, pengecutttts. so thn we sent her til th taxi stnd. mary and i parted w a hug and waves frm helfi *rolls eyes* and thn we left to WALK to BUGIS whr we went to meet rakin + fifi. heh, bn a looong looong time snce i lst saw thm. thn aftr tht, we went to wtvr lah ehhh, hop skip jump th stry, they decided to wlk to esp. i ws so god damn tired w my heavy bag lahhhhh. thn i left. and half an hour later, they left. sheesh. so chyea. anw my phne is again concluded as shitty. th navi buttons, th ans key, th hang up key, th apps key, th bckspc key, th left and rght select key, and evn th send key isnt working. so nw, i am threfre sworn to hvng tonnes of typos in my text and i cnt open any new texts, unlss i rly try so hard. shit phone. go to hell. id rther use monophonic cells thn hvng modern bt fucked phnes lke thse. whtevs. and i hate takng th train bcs singaporeans are jst too too too pushy. literlly. you wna push, you buy yr own train, okaye mf? you gt tht? if you dnt, yre jst plaiiiiin fucked in th mind. bye lah! cbdknn.

*chants in own head* i shant cmplain, i shant cmplain, i shant cmplain. i wil bear th pain, i wil bear th pain, i wil bear th pain. I WIL NT CMPLAN AND I'LL TKE TH PAIN(:

anw, i love you, boo(:

on a lghter note, ths weekend is def btter thn th last. and helfi, i conclude tht yre gay. AND NO TOUCHNG OF HAM! HE'S MINE, GRR. else so, gve "it" bck to me, eh!

Baby, let's leave th dreaming to smebdy else. I'll tke you by th hand and we'll mke reality cme true, baby.
and nt mentioned? pfft, lol. if im nt mistken, iaid crrect attntion, we wer mentioned BEFORE you. HAHAHAHA! kiss my ass, man.

2009-04-24T22:41:00.002+08:00

mood:loving deeply and deeply loved.
listening to: Meg & Dia - Setting Up Sunday

so tdy my baby ws sch a sweetheart i tll you! he cme ovr to my plc jst cus he missed me and he cnt tke waitng til tmr. and tht he wnted my cookng. and thts jst plain mf sweet, boo. so anw i cooked, he ate and sleep and whn he woke, he decided tht we shd go to Tamp One cs he hsnt bn thr yet. and bsdes, kina ws thr w his ex anw. so yeah we left my plc at abt 7+. so yuh we wlked ard and yeah he ws rly shocked to see so mny people. thn we went to meet kina and his ex. and im so srry, bt i cldnt help nt gvng th world a PDA of me + ham. i jst cnt help itttt. so yeah we're like closer thn evr nw and our rs is gg rly well. as of tmr, 4 mre days to our 7th, boo. and i knw wht to gt you alr. jst b ready okay, sayang. cnt wait. so thn, to mary + eeraa. tmr dnt frgt. and please please please wake me up at 11.30 okaaaye. so gyeah, i'll b seeing boo + kina + mary + eeraa tmr. my all time fav people to meet. and helfi, haha im srry fr my weirdness. im jst a little bit loose on th nuts. ahaha so gyeah anw baby ws shwng me youtube vids of how Disney has corrupted th mind of children. and yeah its rly rly rly jst plain obvious hw these thngs work. so anw, im off to sleep and baby wil wake me ltr on, rght baby? thnk you sayang. i love you, boo<3

2009-04-24T14:21:00.004+08:00

mood: loved deeply(:
listening to: PWG ALL DAY, FELLAS!

so anw i had sch tday and to my surprise, ALL my DSPs wer cncelled. gyeah, so im prtty mch hme early on a day lke ths. bt we do hve h/w thou. so tmr, we'll b hvng englsh at eithr Taco Bell, KFC, McDees, LJS w Mr Kang. yeah yeah. so anw, love's in pain at hme. and ykw whut, he wnts to cme ovr bcs he misses me and he dsnt care th dstnce. sweet arnt you, boo. and and to gfs, tmr L4D DO NOT FRGET! mai suka ehhhhh. kina suka ehhhhh. hm idk wht to wear tmr. ehhhh, i feel like skippng tmr. bt oh well see hw luh. omgahhh i so cnt wait to try out survival mode! shit, thts th new gameplay and i sooo cnt wait to try it outttt. i ws busy wtchng youtube vids on th new gameplay and hell im damn stoked to do it tmr. woooots. okay thts all! i wna go cht w my baby abt l4d. holla holla.

and baby, ayah shd b in jail bcs he stole th stars frm th sky and put it in yr eyes. and you mst b tired arnt you, love? cs yve bn running thru my mind, evryday fr 7 mnths nw. tll me if it hurt whn you fell out of heaven and into my arms, ill mke it bettr. boo, yr presnce is mre thn jst being thr. yre presnce is evrythg.

Baby, the quarrels of lovers are like summer storms. Everything is more beautiful when they have passed.
i love you, so mch boo(:

2009-04-23T20:58:00.008+08:00

mood: happy happy
listening to: PWG ALL DAY, HOMIES!

i had a bleedng nose tdy and th mst encouragng thng ws wht baby used to say to me. bt i thgt she quit rght, sayang? i mean she said, she did. i ddnt knw she strted it again. we're all undr th sme category nw i gss. *counter roll of eyes* ths is abt B.

so anw i did go to slp jst nw. and boo wnted me to wake him at 8. lol fr sme totally gay bt cute reason. HM! lol, so i set my alarm at 8 and dialled away as th bell strck. bt he ddnt wake. lol, so thn nw at abt 9, love decides to gt up. lol yre so cute smetmes, baby.

mf ive gt 11 days til MYE, man. muggggggggg smpai mati!!!

I HEART PEE WEE GASKINS!
GO GO PEE WEE GO GO,
CMON CMON!
GO GO PEE WEE GO GOOOO!

2009-04-23T18:48:00.002+08:00

mood: touched
listening to: -

hey. baby ws wtching ths show clled The Passion of The Christ. so i tagged in too. boo warned me tht th show was hella gore and tht it ws violent as hell. at frst it ws rly jst rther chill. bt soon aftr, i jst shut up and cried. th show ws abt th torture, trial, crucifixion and passion Jesus had fr his people and followers. it ws a rly sad show. nt to mention all th horrifyng scenes thr. bt in th end, it ws v enlightening. thse who had tortured Jesus had their jst dessrts and are nw finally dead and burning in hell, and serves you rght! so anw on a lghter note, my precious is fast aslp and im abt to do jst tht. wil hold yr hand in lala land whn i see you, boo. anw L4D on saturday w baby and mary and helfi ( mayb ?) and era too. she'll jst b wtchng thou. so anw, goodnite people and bye little childrn(:

2009-04-23T13:07:00.003+08:00

mood: happy happy
listening to: Justin Nozuka - After Tonight

hvng free period nw. stupid eeraa. knw hw to use my laptop onlyyyyy. dnt knw hw to chrge, dnt knw hw to shut dwn. stupid girl! so gyeah, she used it til th batt was like whut, 23% and thn never shut down. one kind of stupid girl. oneeeee bloooody kiiiiind. okay enuf bout her, pfft. so thn, baby woke up at 4.56 am to send me ths text:
And if we lead to the time we'd spend the nite to talk abt our lives, dun frgt to say gudnite... N i look u in the eye the temperature is cold bt did it mean anitin.... And i miss u everyday n everynite. i CAME BETWEEN THE DOOR SEP N WINDOM, I'll let u see the part of the world u havent seen before. Take me by the hand lets goooo... As dis drama has jus begun... (: Gud morning baby... I woke n suddenly hv the urge to send u dis song... Ily baby... Imysm bubu<3

Boo's so sweet rectnly. I wnder whts gtten into him. So its abt 6 mre days to our 7th. Hehehehe, secreeeet thngs ehhhh. Woot woot. Ilyvvvvm, boo. I knw by th end of tonight, you dnt hve to look up at th stars. Baby, nw cme away w me :D

2009-04-22T22:54:00.003+08:00

mood: jadeddddd :O
listening to: Meg and Dia - Yellow Butterfly

buenos dias, amigos. i wnt to sch wearng slipper, hahahah tk glamour langs! so thn, aftr sch me and era had to rush bck hme. and we ended sch at abt 2.35 lah! wthhhhh. i prcticlly ran hme ah w my wounded feet. bcs i had a hungry baby all th way in semb, to cook fr. so i rushed bck hme as fast as i cLd. so i had to tumis evrythg at hme frst. th minute i stepped in th hse, i dunked my bag and immediately strt cookng. i ddnt wnt my baby to wait fr me feelng so hungry! so i rushed bck and forth. i gt my hair and mke up done and i whizzed off to semb. i bussed dwn to tpy in 506 and thn trained my way to baby. i literlly brisk walked to his plc. and whn i gt thr, i pt my bag down. a little peck and a warm hug to release th dreadful day w/o him, and i strted to cook! speed cookng, only tht ths dsnt harm ANY animals. yeah thn i cooked fr baby and all i wtched him eat, us both feelng so hppy. me due to completing my mission to brng food to my love and him fr finally hvng food to eat. oh thn i gt him a drnk too(: and i washed th plates and all. nth to b full of myslf abt, jst felt like sayng it. mai, lol. so aftr tht and sme oth stff, we bussed dwn to SSC fr Daiso. bt it ws of no help eithr. so we wandered abt lookng at hamsters. did you knw tht baby wnted to buy me hamsters fr my bday, bt didnt bcs he ws afraid of th livng conditions th animal wld gt. and i mst say, smoove move baby. my hse is full of monsters. so we wer both making cute little high pitch noises in ech othr's faces actng like hamsters. he's so cuuuute. so anw we bussed bck to sun plaza whr we ate and stff. and thn baby wlked me bck to th mrt station. i refrained him frm snding me hme you wna knw why! bcs he had crutches on! poor boy, you shdve jst sat th whle time thru. so anw, he's sch a sweetheart. 6 more days, baby! so anw, gyeah ntg mch rly. im crrntly camming w naufal and he's tking sch a looong time. omg faster lah! and i wna go to bed nw, baby' expcntng to mt me in lala land. byeee<3

ps, i feel like lttng my hair dwn tmr. bt idk, see hw ahhhh! i'll wke up at 5.45 to gt my hair done. bye kids. mary mary, th face so nice, HE says it twce. lol, you knw i knw we knw. hahahaha wednesday, l4d people! new gameplay w a new map. cme on, cme on! mary mary, saturday amaciaaaaaam, shiokkk!

2009-04-22T01:55:00.002+08:00

mood: FEELNG MF NOCTURNAL o.o
listening to: -

Its 1.56 am and im waitng fr Baby to wake up. Lol, he promsed to wake me up too okay! So anw, Akim wnts to pass me stg. Tht boy, he bought fr me a bday presnt. Thnk you, Akim! I miss you Baby. Nw, im off to go bck to sleep and to wake at 3.30 am. Goodnite, people.

2009-04-21T22:12:00.002+08:00

mood: sleepy and wasted >.<
listening to: Lady Gaga - Eh eh (nothing else I can say)

I miss my Boo alr. Ahhhh sayang. My Baby sleeping sleeping lah(: Okay, im going to hit th sack nw and thn wait fr my Precious to wke me up in th am :D Goodnite, piggys. And my Bibik ws jst tlkng in her sleep! On a lghter note, im currntly super hardcore grindcore whatev-corely wasted. Who spiked my drnk, raise yr armpitttts! :B

2009-04-21T19:45:00.003+08:00

mood: bitchy & raunchy
listening to: Paddle Pop - Pherry's Wheel

I jst gt off th phne and webcamming w Baby. Poor love, he ddnt hve anythg to eat. But oh wlls, im gg ovr to cook fr Love my Maggi Tumis. Baby jst loves tht dish, idk why. Oh and i miss cookng tht fr my friends too! I stl rmb th day last yr like almst all th malay studs cme ovr to my plc to eat my cookng. Ive had 3 rounds of pleasure tdy. Im at th edge of my seat. Oh oh, and check out my new quote! Ouch. >>

2009-04-21T15:40:00.004+08:00

mood: crazy in love w ilham and bestfriends
listening to: Pee Wee Gaskins - Welcoming The Sophomore

Okay, thr are alot of thngs I need to do rght nw whlst my Baby sleeps. Srry dear, I jst cldnt sleep. I hve to:

Update my MySpace
Chnge stuff thr
D/l songs
Add sme pix/ppl/songs
Chnge my blogskin or rther edit it
Define my art, mhmkay so my topic is: Metamorphosis
Sansan& Dochi

2009-04-21T12:58:00.003+08:00

mood: crazy in love w ilham and bestfriends<3
listening to: Maria Mena - Im in love again (blogsong)

Hello, am in clss fr CME period and Mdm Sharifah ddnt attnd sch. Oh and Cher, thnks fr wshing me a birthday too. And to bestfriends, sorry again fr ytd. Did yknw, they baked me 4 chocolate chip muffin cupcakes w rainbow chips and whipped cream topped w a candle. Thnk you, darlings. Bt im srry again. So anw, ereraa says hi? Okay so anw, im dg ntg bt sulking bcs eeraa jst scolded me again. So anyhooooo, i miss my baby again. And again. And and and since love decided to b sittng at hme bcs ze dctor jst took off ze bandges and stff, so wednsday, i'll b cming ovr to brng him food. yupyup i wil(: Wht wld you like, baby? And he ws being sch a sweetheart ytd whn i asked him wht he wld like. Baby said,"Just you *inserts sansan's hair on baby and smiles* Yayness. I love you, Baby. And currently, awaitng Baby's text. Told him to slp th whle day tday. So gyeah. And im nt gna wake you up whn Im done w sch, Sugar. You desrve a looong sleep. I ddnt frgt abt you, sayang. I jst wnt you to slp. So anyw, I wna go wtch ze videos bestfriends mde fr me ytd. Both ze good and ze bad. Both ze bfre and ze aftr I cncelled on cming to sch. Hohoho, bye and Baby, i passed anothr math test. Im on a roll, Love. I love you, Ham<3 And Baby jst woke up, see he's online nw.

2009-04-20T22:18:00.002+08:00

mood: crazy in love<3
listening to: -

Hey ya'll. i jst gt bck frm meetng my baby. Yes, MY baby. And sweetie, tht ws v sweet whn you held me and hugged me whlst ask,"Can we get back together?" And i jst cried and took th whle moment in. You mght nt hve gtten me anythng fr my bday, love. Bt you gve me evrythg. You put me thru th darkst weathr and you pulled me rght out of it. Yre whr my life begins, and youll b whr it ends. I find joy in yr smile. Baby, ths time ill mke it work. I promise, I swear w my heart and hope to die.

Enough mushy details fr you people, so anw I accmpanied ham to th clinic and thn we wnt bck to his plc whr i slept like a child(: until i ws rudely awaken by th slammng of th door. and thn baby sacrificed playng dg whtvr he ws abt to, jst to kp me cmpny bcs i ws shaken by th bang. so we wtched a movie tgther clsely knitted into ech othr's arms. and baby, i fell aslp tht momnt you kissed my forehead. i miss hw you alwys kiss my forehead(: and aftr tht, we wnt out to celebrte my bday. and nope, we ddnt go w helfi and his ex bcs she ddnt wna. bt okay thn, no worries. we arrived at city hall and wlked our way dwn to Popeye's at whch baby kept making me laugh all th way til my tummy ached, ouch. and he stopped fr awhle and kept gg and gg at making me laugh. so we wnt to wtch a movie, Knowing. its rly nice bt th ending w aliens jst cocked th whle show, bt overall rating i gve it an 8/10. it ws good and baby ws scared, or rthr worried. so we wlked bck to ct hall whr baby waited fr my train w me. thnk you sweetheart. and thn baby bounced. so yup, and aww sayang. you waved at me til my train left and i cldnt see you anymre. thnk you dear. wll nw, im all frshen up and waitng fr baby's text. toodles.

2009-04-20T14:57:00.003+08:00

mood: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
listening to: Justin Nozuka - After tonight

i love my baby(:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9KPybOMJBc
Video of me and Love in his room, playng w th webcam.

Baby, yve gven me nt only th best gift fr my birthday, bt yve gven me evrythg again. Ths yr on my brthday, i feel whle again and i dnt wna lose you anymre, Baby. Yre th light of my life, my family loves you and mst imprtntly, I Love You, Ilham.

2009-04-20T01:51:00.002+08:00

mood: hppy to b hme.
listening to: Justin Nozuka - After tonight

Happy birthday to me, yay. Thanks to everybody who wished me a happy birthday and to my aunty and grandma whove given me money for my birthday. Kudos to Akim, Lea, Ilham, Naufal, Okasha, Eeraa, Lutfi, An, and Hafiz. And thank you to Eeraa and Mary for going to celebrate my birthday in school tomorrow. Thank you guys so much. And on my 16th birthday, Im having a Maths test. Sheesh. But oh wells, its all good. Been otp w Ham since about 12.15? Yeah and we're going out tomorrow, being Helfi, his girlfriend, Ilham and myself. Yup yup. Ilham tak mandiiiiii!

2009-04-19T11:22:00.004+08:00

mood: lost and dumbfounded and confused
listening to: New Kids On The Block - Single

im stck to my grounds *bed*, im lost, i hve nth to say, idk hw to feel. lst nght i ws jst totally at a lost fr words whn i tld my parents evrythg whn i gve you bck yr stff. i cried and i cried. nt bcs its ended, bt bcs it hppened, and tht it hurt so mch fr me to finally accpt it tht we're gone. i ws thnking of th day we sat at th playgrnd and you held me so clse, evn tho we wer dead ovr. you held me so gntly. you laid me bck on yr lap and you hugged me frm my bck. on tht day, i finlly knew th meaning of safety. i flt so secure in yr arms, ntg cld evr harm me. i ws lookng up at th sky and i saw a fallng star. and sddnly i received yr text. you tld me evrythg, i ws so shocked and i ddnt knw wht to say. you wer thr. and tday, you th instant you rose frm bed, you texted me and you insisted on cllng. and whn we finished, you texted me and tld me you wnted to tll me hw you rly felt. i thgt i ws th one to b pitied all ths whle, i ws wrng. you had to hide all yr feelngs and you tried so hard to keep her hppy. you wnted to mke a new decision, ths choice is all yrs. jst lttng you knw, i'll b ctchng you whn you fll. ilham, thnk you fr makng thngs go bck to normal and hw they wer spposed to b, i felt a shower whn you mde evrythg better.

2009-04-18T21:18:00.003+08:00

mood: missing smeone v mch.
listening to: -

i wnt to go mt farhan tdaaay. and i'll blog abt it ltr cs rght nw im sleepyy. bt genrerlly, f, i miss you too, dnt wrry. im so bored rght nw and i jst gt my hair did at my slutty hair appntmnt. nw im at my aunt's crib and i wna go to slp fr a lttle. yay yay yay! imyvm, f.

edited th nxt day

so anw i mt f at whitesands. thn we wnt to th park. he gve me th most adorable face and asked ths:

f : gt miss me? *cute face*
t : hahaha so cute.
f : so gt miss me?
t : haha, yeah.
f : sure or not you miss me?
t : lol, yeah luh.
f : *quiet*
t : hm?
f : you wer rly tired werent you, lst nght?
t : yeah im so srry, did you wait fr me?
f : yeah only til 5.30 am. and im so slpy rght nw.
t : im sooo sorry. you shdnt hve waited, i tld you nt to rght?
f : i dnt thnk i cn count hw mny videos i wtched.
t : im sorry.
f : nah its okay.
t : sure?
f : yeah. btw wht did you dream of ytd? *smile wide*
t : i ddnt dream, hahahahaha.
f : oh, i see..
t & f : *quiets*
f : hey.
t : yeah?
f : *th cutest face in th world!* i missed you.
t : awwwww, so cute! lol.

so gyeah thts tht. and thn at nght i wnt smewhr else.

2009-04-17T22:26:00.006+08:00

mood: missing farhan):
listening to: Justin Nozuka - After tonight

haha, standup comedy w russell peters is v v funny. i keep wtchng him ovr and ovr again and its utter addictn. ilham's been an asshole recntly, and i cldnt care less. rly i cnt. AND! i found sme thngs out and im rly jst speechlss. who wldve knwn, eh. to gt it all frm you. you, th prsn i see evryday. th prsn i seek help in. i nvr knw you cld evn say tht. bt behnd my bck all ths whle, yre jst smply... myb i shdnt luh. frgt it, jst frgt it. and fred, happy birthday again. seriously lah, idk wht to do. i'll ask mary abt it soon thn. i'll gve her a cll tmr. mybe i'll go to sleep fr a lttle whle thn cme online again ltr on to chat w my boo, xoxox. ps, i miss hafiz. th hafiz tht used to text me early in th morning to kp me companied. imyvmt, farhan.

---------------
boo jst clled me, yay.

Him: *rings*
Me : Yaaay, hello.
Him: I jst gt hme tau. Jst wnted to tll you.
Me : Ohhh, okay.
Him: Do you know how much I miss you?
Me : Ahhh, I miss you very much too.
Him: (: My battery dah flat. I'll talk to you soon okay?
Me : Mhmm, bye<3
Him: Bye, take care<3

;DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2009-04-17T16:54:00.004+08:00

mood: tiredddddddd
listening to: The Fall Of Troy - F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X.

Slow down, this is slipping through my mind, this conversation has run out of time. Honey, I know you know what I mean. And that's the one thing that you soon will find.
I know that you really wanna go. My mind is running out of gas. Just relax and recap, and relapse. Tonight, my body's jumping and I go through the emotions and I'm leaving on this journey. Maybe someday I'll come running home to you. I don't wanna see the day, my words cannot make it safe. My heart in his hands, it's too bad, no regrets. I don't wanna see the day, his tears are falling on my grave. This is my one chance to take back, no regrets. Let's go, I just wna let you know, this situation leaves me out of breath. We'll drive till the love that's in your eyes drops to the ground, unravels like a thread. I know that you really wanna go. I only think about him, must get to him, cannot lose him. You know that I will not let this die. Life support systems and my mind on rewind and rewind and rewind. The only way to live in the heart of your love is to die.

2009-04-16T20:59:00.002+08:00

mood: jaded & missing farhan (=-=)
listening to: turnin me on - keri hilson ft lil wayne.

tmr is frederick anthonius E. P.'s birthday. so hppy birthday you, mf. so anw, i jst finished up my 2 out of 4 boards fr art. and im nt evn done colourng! shit man. i hate thssss, ahhhhh. kay nvm i'll chill. shldve heeded mary's advce. *chant* snowball snowball snowball. f man, i'll face th music. ths officailly sucks and i took sme tme out to hve a breather and blog. boo me. on a lghter note- imyvm, boo. and and im gg out w farhan on monday to wtch a movie. so tht means, no physics fr me, toodles people. do tll me wht shows are gd to screen and worth my mf money. farhaaaan<3

smeone btter play th fence, smeone btter tell em abt me. baby im th shit and thts th only thng you gt ard me. dont frgt to f ard me. and if you do, thn gt th f ard me. you turnin me off. dime divas gve it to me.

2009-04-16T18:58:00.004+08:00

mood: happeh happeh (L)
listening to: wake up america - miley cyrus

my little drummer boy, my piercing buddy, my old time friend, my happy pill, my farhan<3 btw i jst gt on twitter, see see>>>>>>>>>>

2009-04-16T16:13:00.003+08:00

sch was fine tday(: i had trial prelims fr malay oral. ahhhhhhh scary or whot. im so gna fail my malay. sigh, oh wells. anw, im so mf jaded! i cnt wait wait wait fr bday! and to aunty nana who gve me kaching fr my bday, thank you v mch. yre th first person so far whos gven me wht i wnted fr my bday, yays. and i hd a scary period aftr recess tday! smeone almst caught me vomittng. in th end, it ws smebdy who dsnt evn mtter - bookshop auntie lol. so gyeah, i prtty mch hve nth else to do and im crrntly waitng fr an to restrt his cmputer. lalala. anddd anddd anddd, to all th queers out thr, you guys ought to seek help(: toodles!
on a lghter note, i feel like eatng beef lasagna and calamari rings :O
and, yeah ham thnks fr th calamari rings. yoh whatevs.

i love bestfriends, and i miss dris, akim, farhannnnnnnnnn. hm?

you turning me off. you evr try to gt tht clse to me, you btter cme crrect hw you 'proachng me.
dnt try to buy me bottles. i gt my own dollars, i cld buy out th bar if i wnt it.

2009-04-16T07:15:00.003+08:00

helloooooo, tk blog kn smlm? tau tau. soooo yuh! ytd, ham kata jmpa at cathay kul 5. pukul 4.45 whn i ws abt to rch, ham kata dia maseh kt rumah. tgh tgu kawan dia rply whther dia nk ikut atau tidak. aku sotttttt. btw, im in clss. hehehe. and eeraa suruh ckp hi. so gyeah, hi. so thn ytd i was like a crazy asshole. like waitng fr like ham. thn i like, saw ths grp of like stdy studnts like gathered at like starbucks. like thn, like i thght of like akim. so i like clled him. and like coincidntally, he ws at cathay too. so i ws like yeahhhh. goood, i hve a friend. so like, his friend, like wayne, ws thr too. so thn they wer like gg to like l4d too. so i like chlled w like, thm fr awhle. and thn wayne's friend like came and i ws like. errrrr? and they were all like hand shaking and dg thngs i dnt wna do. like i ws thr, like blank! so like, his name ws zainul. and like he kpt starng at me, rght. so thn like he asked my name and like he ws like im zainul. and i ws like tash rght. and he ws like tash lke popping tash? and i ws all, yeah!so thn like, he asked fr my nmber like i ws uhhhh? gt it frm akim. so thn rght, whn ham cme rght, i ws like er okay. thn so he ws hungry so we had to go to LJS to feed tht boy rght. so thn rght, i like gt a text frm him. so i ws like busy eatng and like textng. whch ws so nt hard like it ws my daily like, routine. haha bitchy! so like cn i cntinue ltr? i gta go tie my hair, cs its so unkmpt and like i gta go like assmble in like 7 minutes. and like im so nt ready. so like azmi like jst turned to gv me th face and a shtty voice. and yeah like im like ignoring him. tday is total whore day!

2009-04-14T17:57:00.004+08:00

sch ws hype tday, fun fun fun. we had ths thngy to do drng CME whr we learn MORALS. so gyeah it ws a self survey to gt to knw ourslves? and yeah me and bestfriends had sme reslts. lol so gyeah. oh and to ans yr qn, nehhhh. id rther hve my friends to chll w. met fred and yeah. blah blah blah and all. ah bday coming soooon :D cnt wait fr it(: btw hafiz is so sweeeet :D nt hafjz luh cbs. oh god, im sooo elated rght nw, you guys dnt hve a clue abt hw happy i am to finlly do it. oh god, thnk you, friends. im so so so so so so so happy. omgggg, i feel so free tht it dsnt affct me. oh and btw, kudos to fred. he's like a chnged person ah. woah, quit smoking and drnking and evrythg bcs i told him to. fr his own gd anw. haha. so gyeah, im rly lookng frward to my brthday. i soo wna hug bestfriends rght nw. heh heh. 3 mre days, frederick's brthday. wht do i gt tht boy! and it also used to b our monthvrsary. hahah. good old days brght me sour memories. bt he's gt a btter chnce in finding th prfct girl. sooo, gyeahhh. well wishes, frederick anthonius. oh gyeah, and reminder to all bullemic nuggets, drink aloooot of water.

"haha, trst me i dnt wna b you. im tired of it. and th drnking of lots of water goes out tyou too; dnt you dare, ignre ths routine."

i miss bestfriends, wtchng our vids again ),:
and dris, thnk you so mchhhh fr all th times yre thr fr me. im srry i left you otu of my posts evrytme. you dsrve it ths time. kudos tyou, bestfriend. dris, i love you.

2009-04-13T17:23:00.007+08:00

sch ws rthr chill tdy, nth mch rly. bt th hap-hap-happening wnt dwn aftr sch during DSPs. shortie (eeraa) learnt to do th HappySlip cup beat. trst me, it wsnt easy tching sch ppl w a slow pick-up pace. so gyeah eeraa spoiler! here's th thng, eeraa and mary hve sth up their sleeves fr my brthday nxt week. thn thn thn, whn chew asked if i ws coming nxt week, eeraa said ths,"She has to! She's going to get something from us *referring to herslf and mary*." and mary wnt lke,"Ah yer lah! Bilang! Bilang ah!" and i acted all,"Huh, apa?" hahahahahahaha sorry huh guys. next yr okay. LOL. and pls, no flour or oth messy stff of tht sort. yeah yeah yeah, i'll stil act surprised. most to most, id frget its my birthday, anw. lol! and and, found out frm a friend, SOME people terasa abt my previous checking-up post. bt lke i alwys say, if they feel guilty of it, thn theyre guilty as chrged! hohoho, stlker #2! i thnk i wna keep my cmments to myslf so SOME people wont feel guilty of checking up on kids, yeah? haha okay, and to mke sure he/she dsnt feel ashamed by ths, i'll tke th embarassmnt. and nxt tme, if its nt yrs, ask fr it. you dnt gt it, work fr it. nt tke it. tlkng abt wrking fr it, im savng moneh moneh moneh, to buy a shoe, or mke tht shoes! and oth stff. gyeah thts abt it lah.

and to all th sunken souls out thr, you cn cntinue slping and dream; or you cn wake up and chse yr dream. its all up tyou. rght nw, all i wnt is to gt into a post-seconday level of education tht actually eductes th studnts on thngs tht ACTUALLY MTTER, tht are useful fr th future and tht is incnjunction w th real world. i stress, REAL, lol.

oh well, tut tudu, life's goooooood ^____^V

on a lighter note, life sucks. who says it dsnt? so jst suck it up and move, bcs life has to go on. dnt live hoping fr th future. strt by living tday. and tht sums up my post fr nw.

2009-04-13T03:03:00.002+08:00

another day, another dream. i cnt keep gg on lke ths. evrytme i dream of you/him/it, you'd/he'd b apologising and gvng me lots of love. and tht jst mkes me weaker and kill my inner being to frgt him. i cnnt do ths if it keeps gg on. and to add, ths lame ass person jst sent me a smile in fs saying:

Date:	04/13/2009 12:22 am
Subject:	aliph has sent you a smile.
Message:	aliph wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out aliph's profile and send a reply. A message from aliph: hi ms tasha... im aliph... do u havee msn? :P

like i wld evn gve it to him. ugh, asshole! and th moment you cll me tasha, thts rly it man. half th bttle is won, and yre ovr evn bfr th start cmes. so gyeah, dnt EVR cll me tasha. god damn it, i dnt evn write tasha on my sch work. i dnt gve a screw and i write tash evry time. yet th paper stl cmes bck to me! so tll me who th hell are you to cll me tasha. and fr thse who dnt evn knw me, hw wld you evn knw thts my name! bitches, gtting me all cranky early in th morning. midnight whores. you people dnt deserve to live. bye you gaylords.

2009-04-12T21:29:00.003+08:00

in th end, its ths lttle thngs tht you rmb. and thse are th sme thngs tht mke you perfctly, imperfct and beautiful th way you are.

i so love tht line frm tht advertsemnt fr thinkfamily.com

im all out of love, wht am i w/o you.

2009-04-12T19:40:00.004+08:00

i cant wait fr Harper's Island tnght! ah ah ah! i wna wtch wtch wtch tht show. annnnd, i wna wtch th new show, KNOWING. oh gooood cn we go do tht on my birthday or wednesday or sth? please people, please? and im contnt tht i jst puked my only meal of th day. tht sentnce ws jst followed by big sigh of relief, please. bye evrybdy :D

oh i hope i make it, i rly do. i dnt wna go w/o saying good bye jst yt. frm tdy onwrds, i wna spent evry moment w th people i love. evry moment, im gna cherish evrythg i hve/had. and i'll stnd up, and mke evry wednesday count, if nt fr you nor us, at least fr me, in cse i dnt gt hme. i undrstnd nw. you loved me, bt i kept askng you to commit whn you cnt. smetimes we need to lose smethng to knw wht othrs rly need. i'll grow up til you wna tlk to me. ive irritated you enough. and i knw, oh i knw, bck thn, i wsnt tryng, at all. i ws whining and i ws cmplaining. ths time, i'll rly go fr it.

8 days til my birthday, 8 days to try harder, 8 days to make it count, 8 days of away time from my cell, 8 days full of hope.

2009-04-12T14:33:00.002+08:00

and aftr tdy, i'll b keepng my hp whr i cnt reach it. lol! im so bored. eeraa clled me earlier ths mrning. to tlk abt nth. okay actually she clled to say tht she alr clled matrep J to apologse. and she ws so hppy abt it. crazy pig face. lol anw i cnt wait fr sch tmr. cn i fucking drop art! please please please! its drvng me fucking crazy. frst ths, thn tht! thn chnge evrythg! wtf lahhhh, grr. lol anw tmr and evry oth day 'cept wednesdays i hv DSPs ugh! it sucks. i dnt gve a damn abt art and im playng PSP. hohoho th extreme level is gtting pretty easy, lol! i miss my bestfriends (:

and to FA, sorry abt ths. i had no choice. i shdve knwn he wld break my heart. im sorry i hve to break yrs to fix mine. it ws my last resort, i ddnt thnk it wld turn out ths way. its th longest ive bn w/o him and i jst cnt tke it in anymre. im sorry bt i hve to do this, fred. i rly am.

2009-04-11T19:51:00.006+08:00

"you gt wht you wnted and i took 7 steps bck, so stop checking up on me and reportng it bck to him. yre so insecure yt you say yre not. go complain to him i said ths. dnt evn thnk of crocodile tears whn yre ranting to him. actng all nice and cute ard him bt being a mean fucking bitch behind his bck, taking whts nt yrs and thn stil hvng th cheek to chck up on me. pfft, living th life of th shameless, th low life and th lame.
suck on this _|_ (C_C) _|_ cuntwhore.
you knw im referrng to you, sly bitch.
jst so you knw, hah, yre gna need mre thn tht to break me."

and aprt frm th abve, nth else to say. bye cutes!

[AMENDED!]

Your fingertips across my skin. The palm trees swaying in the wind. Images. You sang me Spanish lullabies. The sweetest sadness in your eyes. Clever trick. Well, I never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me. Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do. We walked along a crowded street. You took my hand and danced with me. Images. And when you left, you kissed my lips. You told me you would never, never forget these images. I cannot go to the ocean. I cannot drive the streets at night. I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind. So you're gone and I'm haunted. And I bet you are just fine. Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

"Teach me the way to love again I've fallen away, i want to be back again. I've say the words to make you leave. Please forgive me boy and come back to me..."

2009-04-11T18:39:00.004+08:00

i had a lovely day w bestfriends tdy. th only thng ws tht these idiots wont tll me whr they went ths morning. grr! so anw, i ws like waitng fr thm fr sooo long ah. lcky thng ham ws online. and he wnted to webcam, so gyeah we did. thn uh, yeah nth mch rly. we bussed bck to tamp whr we had a crazy ride thru. and nw, im at mummy's plc. dg prcticlly nth. i so love th room. its blck designed walls and th floor is carpeted red! cool or whot. i feel like lvng here again. heh heh. its so peaceful ard here. i wsh i cld jst live here frever(: i'll b hme once in awhle of cs! bt here is so nice to b in. it gves me a condusve plc to thnk. hm hm hm, beautiful. peace up, A-town. tu-tut. tu-tut. tu-tut. yeah!

2009-04-11T04:14:00.002+08:00

to hve another plan is to work smarter.

i wldve tke it all bck, gvn th one chnce. it ws a moment of tragedy fr me, i mde a slip of th tongue/fingers, whatever mkes you hppy. it hppened to me too. i frgave you. why did you hve to overreact and leave. you shdve thought twce bfre you let it all go. i shdve bn thr in th bck of yr mind. you shdve knwn th word tht wht you did w her, gt bck to me.

rah! its past 4am nw. im terribly bored and i jst woke up, at abt rther 0323 jst nw? im so bored. i cnt wait fr 9.30. damn, 5 more hours. thnk i shd go bck to disneyland? yeah mybe i shd. if i cld, tht is. bye little animals. stay in sch and dnt tke drugs! seriously, dont.

2009-04-10T19:44:00.003+08:00

okay here's th damn thng. me and mai are meetng sser and hamzah aftr meetng ech oth tmr. and gt to knw, eeraa is meetng johan aftr tht too. and hahaha or whot. all 3 of us are meetng our ex's tmr. and aftr tht sth else cme up. all ths whle, a guy named syafiq likes eeraa. wht i ddnt knw ws tht syafiq = pai. and ths pai is like fred's friend. lol. and i ws drnking w pai and irfan and smebdy else and leeza. and ths leeza is mai's old friend. like lol or wht. ths is freaky. lol! anw, happy Good Friday, people.

and yeah btw actually, on 2nd thought, i decided to not ask ham out on wednesday. bt thn, jst nw he initiated frst to meet me on wednesday(: hohoho, smeone miss me. lol. no luh kidding.

2009-04-10T18:07:00.003+08:00

Tagged 21 people randomly:
1. eeraa 2. mai 3. ilham 4. lutfi 5. min
6. amy 7.ammi 8. kif 9. fana 10. hafiz
11. wan 12. alyy 13. din 14. shaun 15. rong zong
16. kai yee 17. fatynn 18. dzul 19. alif 20. razmil
21. lily

1) How did you get to meet 7? (ammi)
hoho sch sweethearts durng th frst yr of high sch.

2) What would you do if you and 15 never met? (rong zong)
i wldnt hve a partner in bio to shre books w and i wldnt hve anybdy's plc to sit in.

3) What would you do if 20 and 1 date? (era & razmil)
well, fr a strt they knw ech oth. hahahaha.

4) Have you ever seen 17 cry?(fatynn)
yeaaaah.

5) Would 4 and 16 be a good couple? (lutfi & kai yee)
lol! no okay. theyre worlds aprt.

6) Do you think 11 is attractive? (wan)
in mst similar cases, out of sch clothes.

7) What is 2's favourite colour? (mai)
gold is one of em.

8) When was the last time you talk to 9? (fanaa)
lst thursday.

9) What language does 8 speak? (akiff)
english and malay?

10) Who is 12 going out with? (alyy)
shes attched rght th lst time i knew.

11) What grade is 12 in? (alyy)
7th grade.

12) Would you date 17? (fatynn)
i had to see her face almst evryday fr a yr, last yr.

13) Where does 18 live? (dzul)
urm, th block jst bhind mine.

14) What is the best thing about 3? (ilham)
he's th best thng thts evr hppened to me in my life, seriously. fllwed by me bestfriends.

15) What would you like to tell 10 right now? (hafiz)
yre a biotch fr pushng zan at me. cs seriously fiz, it hurt. and im nt tlkng to you fr th nxt 43 yrs.

16) What is the best thing about 20? (razmil)
he's a nice prson to tlk to.

17) Have you ever kiss 5? (min)
nope. lol.

18) What was the best memory you had with 21? (lily)
th yrs i grew up w her.

19) When's the next time you're gonna see 6? (amy)
monday.

20) How is 14 and 12 different? (shaun & alyy)
guy, girl. 16, 13. got it?

21) Is 19 pretty? (alif)
mannnn! ths shd b lutfi's qn!

22) How did you meet 20? (razmil)
few yrs bck we wer friends by my ex.

23) Is 1 your bestfriend? (eeraa)
good heavens, yes. alongsde mary mary!

24) Do you hate 12? (alyy)
no luh!

25) Have you seen 18 last month? (dzul)
yes yes.

26) When was the last time you see 16? (kai yee)
friday, why?

27) Have you been to 5's house? (min)
yes yes! looove th fishies!

28) When is the next time you're gonna see 10? (hafiz)
monday guess so.

29) Are you close to 13? (din)
neh, we're jst general.

30) Have you been to a movie with 4? (lutfi)
nopeee!

31) Have you gotten into trouble with 8? (kif)
neh, nt rly.

32) Would you give 19 a hug? (alif)
ofcos <3

33) When have you lied to 3? (tajul)
nvr had, and nvr wil.

34) Is 16 good at socializing? (kai yee)
whn you gt to knw her, yeah she rly is.

35) Do you know a secret about 9? (fanaa)
idts.

36) Describe the relationship between 12 and 18. (alyy & dzul)
they dnt knw ech oth!

37) What's the best thing about your friendship with 9? (fanaa)
shes funny :D

38) What's the worst thing about 6? (amy)
th hair, has GOT to go.

39) Have you ever had a crush on 12? (alyy)
yeaaaaah. hahah no luh!

40) Does 14 have a bf/gf? (shaun)
idts/idk.

41) Have you ever wanted to punch 1 in the face? (era)
all th time. hahahahahahah!

42) Has 21 met your mother? (lily)
duh!

43) How did you get to meet 15? (rong zong)
next door clssmates and ths yr finally classmates!

44) Did you ever physically hurt 3? (ilham)
hohoho, ive smacked him at his nape alot and pinched his nipples and err sme oth "stuff" bt i bet it ddnt hurt. did it, ham? *kening upup*

45) Do you live close to 7? (ammi)
no!

46) What's 8 favourite food? (kif)
idk?!

47) What kind of car does 1 drive? (eeraa)
th only thg she drives is me crazy!

48) Have you ever travelled anywhere with 9 before? (fanaa)
paris^^ hahahah no lah!

49) If you give 14 $100, what will he/she spend on? (shaun)
he wil spend it on rong zong. hahahahhahahaha idk seriously.

2009-04-10T17:56:00.001+08:00

and ps, i hve a sdden cravng to wtchng faiz, rahman and zul throw famous amos at ech oth making me laugh and thn finishing up my water in my water bottle. excse me guys, tht water is fr me bcs of my dehydration problm. bt you guys are so mf funnnnnny! lol, and i sddnly say ths bcs i randomly saw a pic of paul twohell and reclled hw rahman greeted him. it ws so fucken gay! hahahaha, anywaaaays nth mch, toodles poodles!

2009-04-10T17:44:00.002+08:00

hohohohohoho im a v happy girl. okay no, tak. idk? ahahahaha, anw im so hppy i gt to see my girls tmr! yay yay yay! ham is out w alice tdy so i dnt hve anybdy to godeh godeh. oh well, mai! onday onday and matero mam. hahahahahaha. so anw, i cammed w mai i thnk ytd go. or 2 days ago i thnk? and my 2 bestfriends are bastard-ing me tmr. theyre gg smewhr to do sth bfre they meet me and eeraa wont tll me whr theyre going. ugh, bitches. kay, nvm. lol, im nt disturbed. hahaha, anw its so bored. i puked earlier jst nw aftr hvng my lunch. and boy did it feel goooood. i used to b afraid of vomttng bt rcntly, its bn keeping me perfctly sane(: so to say, im addcted to it. i evn puke in sch aftr recess if i eat. oh god, it sounds so depressng, bt heck i like it. oh well, i cnt wait fr tmr. love your friends, theyre all youve got.

I will go down as your lover, your friend.

2009-04-10T11:13:00.004+08:00

Look to the past
And remember and smile.
And maybe tonight
I can breathe for awhile.
I'm not in the scene
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you.

I'll leave when I wanna.

I hear the phone, it rings so violently. Can't leave my room, can't breathe since he left me. I will admit, I hate those things I said. Girls always cry, guys will never admit they did. Hold on, hold on. Don't tell me that it's over. I'm not used to this temptation. And when you come back running, there's no use for explanation. I think things aren't too hopeful even with my expert knowledge. Most girls do mean trouble because they are rarely honest. What's with the jokes, all the routines they play. Screw with my head, never cave in 'till they get their way'. Guys like to run, chicks love to yell, you see. Guys hate to fight, girls think it's therapy.

2009-04-09T17:26:00.003+08:00

all th quotes listed below wer frm my diary, and below th quotes are my experiences and hw it shaped me.

1. Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.

i wnt thru my weakness, ilham, and boy, hve i bn stronger thn evr. i had to lose th only one thng i evr had to realse tht i hve so mch mre in life.

2. When forced with a challenge, find a way to it, not out of it.

whn i learnt of how ham and alice had feelngs fr one anothr, i felt like i died rght thr and thn. bt slowly, i tld myslf i jst cldnt keep livng ths way. sure, i stil cry myslf ot slp at tmes. bt its nt bcs i regretted whn i lost him. i cried bcs of th result of who i am tdy, whn i lost him.

3. I am only one, still I am one. I cannot do evrything but still I can do something. And I will not refuse to do that one thing I can do, just because I can't do everything.

i knw nw tht evn bcs i lost my evrythg, i stl hve sth to live fr and tht i hvnt died frm it. its jst a pain felt within tht only i knw. and tht dsnt mean evrybdy ard me has to suffr.

4. Opportunity; Often it comes disguised in the form of misfortune or temporary defeat.

if i hdnt lost ham, i wldnt b th person i am tdy. and ive matured frm tht day forth and im a strnger person nw tht he's nt ard bcs i knw i only hve myslf to count for and fend on.

5. Don't be afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still.

you shdnt b worried tht he's takng too long to cme hme. he'll b bck slowly, bt at th v least, surely.

6. Do what you can with what you have, it doesn't matter where you are.

why rub it in abt wht i dnt hve. cmon, look on th brght side tash. yve gt eeraa and mary. wht mre cn you ask fr. i wldnt wnt to chnge a thng.

7. Dance like no one's watching and love like its never going to hurt.

i realise tht its safer fr me to love him frm a dstnce bcs thn, he wldnt hve any rght to hurt me. and i wldnt hve to feel bad abt dg prcticlly anythg bcs we're nt tgther yknw. and sure sure, i love him mre thn life itslf. bt ive gt to rmb, we dnt hve anythg on, yknw. so gyeah.

8. Courage is not the mere absense of fear; it is the mastery and resistance to fear.

hw im feelng rght nw, is jst best descrbed by ths. im nt afraid of making mistkes bcs ths one slip i had tht cause me to lose him, i moved on frm it. wht mre you cn put me thru, is jst a snap away.

9. Don't be excited when he tries to buy you something; What you have cn bring you so much farther and the best part - its free.

dnt try to buy me bottles, i gt my own dollars, i cn buy out th bar if i wnt it.

10. There are some things that we learn best in calm and best in storms.

we hve to hurt in ordr to knw, fall in ordr to knw, lose in ordr to gain jst cos sme lessons are btter taught thru pain.

11. Don't look back in the past, unless you're planning to move back.

oh hell no am i gg bck to square 1. it took me so mch hardward to b so carefree jst like it took me so mch money to look ths cheap *wink*

12. We enjoy warmth because we have been through cold. We appreciate light because we've been through darkness. By the same token, we experience joy because we have known sorrow.

why do we nvr knw wht we've gt until its gne. whn it finally is too far to reach, you realse tht its th only thng you had behind yr bck. im thankful enuf tht my friends are within my reach.

13 is an unlucky number, or so they say. bt ths number 13, ws th one quote tht actually strted th ball rollng fr me

Lucky 13. Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.

i found tht if i thght rly deeply abt my problms and th thngs holdng me bck, nth is rly impossble. you jst need to knw hw to gt ard it.

so yeah, myb i rly do hve an eye fr pursuing psychology in poly. and eeraa, ths dsnt mean im gna stop being bullemic. you jst keep yr little zipper zipped and b thnkful tht ive actually rly chnged. dnt b too greedy like a caucasian buying land. you dnt gve it to him, he wnts a little. you gve him a little, he wnts alot. you gve him alot, he wnts mf evrythg. b a good girl and accpt ths chnge fr awhle. i'll quit bullemia whn i wna<3

2009-04-09T16:57:00.005+08:00

greetngs you people, you. so i figured id mke a chnge fr alttle and nt blog abt sch. hohoho, its strtng to gt mundane. so uh yeah. i ws thnking tdy. i did alot of thnking(: goodie. boestfriend showed me my horoscpe. and i find it so mf true. it wnt sth like ths:

You're really head over heels for your crush. But you might just be crushed when your crush doesn't feel the same way about you. It's time to move on and find someone new.

so as i ws wlkng my way home, i took th time to thnk abt it. mybe its true. why shd i b th one suffering whn he's hvng th best of both worlds. and finally its raining tdy. it too, finally rained dwn on me tht ths is nt hw i wnt to live fr th rest of my life. i wil nt go, i'll leave whn i wna. and nw, its th time. he wnts me bck, all he has to do is gve me a cll. rght? why am i frettng ovr guys and love. im only 16. if its true love, it'll find a way to me. i found myslf so pathetc whn i recalled all th dumb thngs id do jst to gt you to tlk to me or hold me. like hw id text you th most random of thngs, jst to find an excse, any excse to text you. or hw id mess yr hair or tickle you, jst so youd mess mine bck and tickle me alng. its rly jst dumb hw id do all thse thngs. thts jst th reason why you dnt go lookng fr love. wld you jump into a drain on bloody purpse? obviously nt, you jst... fall. so gyeah, i rly thght tht so wht? if i lost th love of my life, yeah sure sure she cme and he fell fr her and so did she so cheaply, yeah so? im stil alive arnt i? wht hve i gt to lose anymre nwadays, huh? ive lost evrythg whn he left and im being revived into a whle new person. thts btter isnt it? i dnt need a man to b thr fr me, jst so i cn live w a smile on my face. i hve great friends whom i cn actually count on. fr th first time in my life, i actually meant it whn i said you guys rly are my best friends. life's beautiful isnt it. i mean cmon, yre nvr gna see sunlight if you keep hiding in darkness. its time to lose th rock ive bn undr and rly live my life. if i had a choice to chse a prfect love, it wld rly b temptng. bt stil, id decline. bcs thn, life wldnt teach me anythg. yeah sure, im stil heartbroken and i stil love ilham so mch. bt i rly gta stop tryng. its nt dg me any good. wht do i gain aftr all ths tryng too hard? frm nw on, its jst me and my girls. whtver hppens, hppens. so be it. one way or another, id hve to accpt it. its jst hw you tke it in. oh oh, and i hve soo mny good quotes to shre w all you sinking souls. it helped me build my innerself and i learnt to accpt me th way ive alwys wnted people to. you cn nvr adjst th winds, bt you sure cn shift yr sails. im movng in a diffrnt direction, and im liking it. youll alwys hve my heart, ilham. i stil love you. if nt th sme, more thn ive evr did in my life. ham, wednesday wna ctch a movie? sme stupid funny show, okay?

- i jst wnt you close, whr you cn stay frever. you cn b sure, tht it wil only gt btter. you + me tgther thru th days and nights. bt all i knw is, evrythg's gna b alrght(:

2009-04-09T03:04:00.003+08:00

i fell in love w ths song. tke a read okay?

My alter ego says:
You're better off without him. Don't call him, he's breaking your heart. He's hanging with your best friend and you're waiting there, it's tearing you apart. He lied to you a thousand times, when I was there he kept you waiting.

My heart taking th reins:
And I'm still here waiting there to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much, when I shouldn't care at all. Finally got the nerve to tell you how much you mean to me. You said that I was your best friend, a real sweet girl. But that's all I'd ever be.

Goodnight, little people. or rther, morning.

2009-04-09T02:39:00.003+08:00

i dived fr bed th moment i finished bathng. whch ws abt 11? no curfews, woot woot ^^ LOL. and i woke up at abt 2.39am. i reached out fr baby (lappy) and strted to blog. i typed my frst sentence. and abt 1 sec ago, i typed th word 'word'. hahahaha tht was gay. okay okay so i went online, and fr ths past few days i hvvnt seen faiz(Thorr) online. and *poof* speaking of th devil, he cmes on. i chat w him fr like abt 3 mins and thts all. so my summary fr faiz is, he is gay. so my day w ham was fine. we met at skate park. i arrived thr cmng in frm th bus stop and rahman saw me. he quickly skate to zul and point at me. whch by thn, faiz alr saw me and waved at me. yeahhhh, this is gna b detailed i thnk. so as i sat and waited fr ham, i took baby out and fucked her. meaning to say i took my lappy out to mke full use of her. aftr wht seemed like 5 mins, faiz skate by me and chilled w me fr awhle. and whn he left, i found tht he and th rest wer seated like 3m away. i wnted to gt up and go. bt heck, i ws too lazy.so i ddnt. lol. and thn ths irritatng guy came and swung his hp cover at my arm. whch hello stung okay!wht a way to meet smebdy, geesh! haha so gyeah thn it ws like spposed to b me and ham l4d, in th end, th 4 guys played, i paid fr ham and faiz and i sat bside faiz fucking baby and webcamming w mai. lol. so gyeah. plan ws to tke turns at check points. th check points cme and no one realized. lol! so wht to do, its alrght. aftr tht they disturbed th girl. and yah wtvr. i felt so embarassed ah. hahahahahaha, thn we wasted ourslves on th colourful stools and gyeah they had their jackass moment aftr whch, finished my water in my water bottle. poor dehydrating bullemic girl had nth to drink all th way hme. so gyeah thn we had late lunch/early dinner at kfc and yeah i paid fr ham again. and i ordered th food, and i had to sntd to queue. hehe, i felt so in-chrge. yeah it ws one thng to feel good to stnd on yr own 2 feet hvng th money to pay. cx bck in our days, ham wld do all of tht. pay and queue and all. buuuut, ytd th tables hve turned and i feel good tht nt only am i payng fr myslf, i paid fr smeone else too. so anw yada yada, we turned bck to skatepark and did prcticlly nth. we had an adult tlk thou(: hohoho, tash baby girl has grown into a young lady. so gyeah thn we left bcs it ws drizzlng. ham sent me til th bus stop. he cldnt send me home bcs it ws late and by thn he wldnt hv mde it home if he wer to send me. bcs you see, hvng no curfew, i prefer gg hme later. so yeah, im a big girl nw ham. you dnt hve to send me hme anymre. so whle i ws in th bus, we texted. yeah we had a good deal. i felt so..... whn you said "nw i feel like crying... hve i mde a mistke..." you see uh, whn i text ham, i dnt rly undrtsnd a thng he's sayng. so i asked wht mistke dyou thnk you mde. and i appreciate it and it ws v sweet whn he said tht he feels tht he mde a mistke whn he broke up w me. so i said pls dnt cry. nth hurts me more thn to see tears in yr eyes. like pls uh, and frthermore bcs of me. well not bcs of me, bt you wer tlkng to me thts why yre tearng rght. man i feel so scared evrytme he tlls me he feels lke cryng. so yeah we said our goodnghts and by thn i ws alr on my bed abt to allow myslf to gt sucked into th world of dreams. if thr ws one thng i learnt, good thngs cme to those who wait. and i figured tht why am i gttng angry at myslf tht i cnt gt ovr him. i found tht i will nvr and wont wnt to gt ovr him. so like it or nt, i hve to accpt tht id nvr gt ovr him. and i decided tht evn so, life hs to go on. whther it wil hurt or nt, thts hw you brng yrslf to facng th problm by tkng th horns. so gyeah and nw, i wna go bck to sleep aftr my nxt post. toodles, poodled<3 love you, ham, eeraa, mary!

2009-04-08T16:10:00.003+08:00

hello poopies. im in th bus, otw to meet ham. itchy backside. frst nk cathay, nw nk cine. haiyahhh. im like alr in th bus, and he baru nk leave th hse. haha he.s so gna b late uh. and btw, im online. hahah in th bus lagi. lol. i evn webcammed w 2 people. haha, ham and zal (: gerek kan ada wireless? yeaaah (: see you guys soon. anw, here's sme pix. btw thnks mary fr th hat.

2009-04-07T22:25:00.005+08:00

hello people. im sooo mf ready to wrte th karangan tmr! wheehoo. so anyhoots, i missed out tht dy in clss, a whle bnch of mates ambushed me on my family tree. apprntly, news spread pretty quick, eya? im a nepalese. yes! yes, yes and yes! it all hppened during SS. mdm azizah ws tlkng abt sg sending troops ovr to vietnam and nepal. and whn she mentioned nepal, evryone (who knew) looked in my dirction. i ws like wtf, whaaaaaat? so thn during cme, they all ambushed me and wer actng all crazy and freaky. like woah here and woah thr. i ws more or less freaked. i cld swear i had a scared look on my face. yeah and rght nw, at ths v moment. im so god damned happy. v v v v v happy. thng (a) is gone. thng (b) was almst lost. thng (c) mde me hyper hppy! thng (d) is an asshole. hahahaha. oh and thngy (e) and (f) mde me super happy! try harder okay? ho-ho-ho, ilham thnks fr tllng me. oh and thr ws one thng i loved tday.

i texted smebdy sth and he/she replied:
"I was jus doing dat jus nw... Dats y i sound soooo..."

hohoho, no high hopes, no overreactng or whtsoevr. am jst glad to knw you stl do<3
toodles, my little poodles!

and bitch, youre guilty as charged and found under carnal knowledge. now skoot!

2009-04-07T21:17:00.006+08:00

Baby I See You Working Hard
I Want To Let You Know I'm Proud,
Let You Know That I Admire What You Do
The More If I Need To Reassure You, My Life Would Be Purposeless Without You
If I Want It
I Got It
When I Ask You
You Provide It
You Inspire Me To Be Better
You Challenge Me For The Better
Sit Back And Let Me Pour Out My Love Letter
Let Me Help You
Take Off Your Shoes
Untie Your Shoestrings
Take Off Your Cufflinks
What You Want To Eat, Boo?
Let Me Feed You
Let Me Run Your Bathwater
Whatever You Desire, I'll Aspire
Sing You A Song
Turn The Game On
I'll Brush Your Hair
Help Put Your Do Rag On
Want A Foot Rub?
You Want A Manicure?
Baby I'm Yours
I Want To Cater To You Boy
Baby I'm Happy You're Home,
Let Me Hold You In My Arms
I Just Want To Take The Stress Away From You
Making Sure That I'm Doing My Part
Boy Is There Something You Need Me To Do
If You Want It
I Got It
Say The Word
I Will Try It
I Know Whatever I'm Not Fulfilling
Another Woman Is Willing
I'm Going To Fulfill Your Mind, Body, And Spirit
I Promise You, I'll Keep Myself Up
Remain The Same Chick
You Fell In Love WithI'll Keep It Tight, I'll Keep My Figure Right
I'll Keep My Hair Fixed, Keep Rocking The Hottest Outfits
When You Come Home Late Tap Me On My Shoulder, I'll Roll Over
Baby I Heard You, I'm Here To Serve You
If It's Love You Need, To Give It Is My Joy
All I Want To Do, Is Cater To You Boy
I Want To Give You My Breath, My Strength, My Will To Be Here
That's The Least I Can Do,
Let Me Cater To You
Through The Good, The Bad
The Ups And The Downs
I'll Still Be Here For You
Let Me Cater To You
Cause You're Beautiful
I Love The Way You Are
Fulfill Your Every DesireYour Wish Is My Command
I Want To Cater To My Man
So Pure Your Love Shines Through
The Darkness We'll Get Through
So Much Of Me Is You
I Want To Cater To My Man
Let Me Cater To You
Cause Baby This Is Your Day
Do Anything For My Man
Baby You Blow Me Away
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More
Anything You Want Just Let Me Cater To You
Inspire Me From The Heart,
Can't Nothing Tear Us Apart
You're All That I Want In A Man;
I Put My Life In Your Hands

2009-04-07T21:05:00.002+08:00

heh, sch ws aight tdy. eeraa wnt fr syf so gyeah. nw tht, thts done and ovr w, i hve my bestfriend bck. yay. DSP sucked ah, huh. brght lppy to sch to do mf research. bt thn, yeah in th end, fr 2 hrs me and belle sat dg prcticlly ntg (: yayness. so at hme, th moment i gt online, zal wnted to webcam. yeah so we did. like evry oth day. uh-huh. thn ltr on in th nght, i polayed multiply snap w my mum. and it ws hella funny. and my dad, oh god help tht man. he jst gt a new phne tht my mum bought fr him. ahahahha, and its th frst one tht has a flash fr its camera. he ran ard th whle house tking pics of prcticlly evrythg! evn whn we scared me in th toilet, he took a pic of it. god, pa. quit it. so gyeah, meetng hammy boy tmr fr anothr session. lts jst pray he wont shout at me, hehs. oh and you guys rmb hw id wrte love lettrs and gve it to him to read rght? i stl do, i jst dnt gve it to him anymre. nt tht i dnt wna. i jst cnt. hehs, so gyeah.

-writing a letter to a loved one doesnt only deliver your message; it sends your heart.

2009-04-06T17:12:00.002+08:00

hey people. ive bn wrking on sth bt i dnt rly wna post it. so gyeah. i thnk im rly ovr th whle chasing-after-him thng. he'll cme bck if he wnts, alrght. fr th mean time, im jst hppy to hve my gffs! so tdy, eeraa cldnt cme alng whn me and mai wnt shopping at Cotton On. sth v funny hppened lah, huh. hahaha thn all 3 of us wer in th cubicle. lol and thn jeng jeng jeng. hahaha and btw me eeraa and mai all hve menses on th sme day, its rther amusing lah. lol. and we took pics in clss bfr assmbly tdy and all our fringes looked th sme. lol so bck to shoppng, eeraa cldnt cme cx she has drama shit. so yuh. me and mai spent a total of 65 bux. hohoho, splurge baby! so i bought 3 V neck tees, in th colour black, grey and charcoal and a pair of slippers. mary bought th sme 3 tees bt she ddnt buy charcoal, instead she rplced it w white. and she bought 2 pairs of shades. hohoho, eeraa too bad yre myopic. buy sme contacts, baby! so gyeah, i tried thm ALL on and i looooved it all. and and and, looks lke we 3 are gna shop at CO evry week. dnt we ALL love CO. hoho, rep-in' CO(: so nw, im webcamming w mary and eeraa is nt cming online, oh well. and people, you cn do anythg you set yr heart on.

on a lghter note, cnt wait fr L4D ths wed w ilham aka pantat<3

see you ard, yeah mofos. i miss lutfi, whos away on camp til th 8th):

2009-04-05T19:47:00.002+08:00

hey hey i jx gt a new disclaimer. ive hit rock bottom, i rest my case. and whle my friends are helpng me stand on my own 2 feet, i'll do my part and revive myslf to find my true self.

"THEY SAY YOU DON'T KICK THE HABIT UNTIL YOU HIT ROCK BOTTOM,
BUT THEN AGAIN, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE THERE ?
BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW BADLY A THING IS HURTING US,
SOMETIMES LETTING IT GO HURTS EVEN WORSE."

2009-04-05T19:04:00.004+08:00

blogger is a bitch. its taking waaaay too long to upload pix of me and mai webcamming. hahaha, waitng waitng. so anw, me and era are dg sme laughing at certain ppl. lol. era, fill in th blanks. C----W. hahahahahahahahahahahahhaah!

2009-04-04T20:52:00.002+08:00

thr you go. tsk tsk tsk. and tht whte thngy is nth. its tissue paper. and th brown stff arent shit, its barbeque sauce frm ytd's steak. heh, so i chat w clinton tdy, he mde me feel so mch better and i soo regret nt meetng my bestfriends tdy. ): boohoo.. they bought nice skirts! you guys look rly pretty in thse. heh, and i rly wnted to buy a high waist baby blue skirt at cotton on. bt they bought a diff skirt alr. lerrrr. so nvm, i'll sve 8 bux mre and buy myslf tht skirt. mhm, if its 3 for 30, obviously one cnt b 10 rght. i'll go check it out another day whn bestfriends and i go to hve our session of l4d. we soooo rock. yeaaah. and i miss lutfi. and sddnly he cmes online. lol! and we chat. and he too just gt a new laptop. poor boy, updatng whlst chattng w me. bt oh well! im so happy i hve friends like eeraa, mary, lutfi. idk why lutfi, bt yeah lutfi. i feel rather happy and complete. evn tho smetmes i stl do thnk of him. and i miss you lah, ham. in a friendly way. will see you wednesday fr L4D. my treat(: see you guys around.

2009-04-04T19:10:00.002+08:00

Oh wells, something terrible just happened today during my regular gagging sessions in the toilet. For the first time, all that came out was really just plain blood. I got super scared because for one, I wasn't even in the comfort of my own home toilet. I was in the house of a family member, but it still scares me to death. And if you were wondering, no I didn't update Ilham on it. Why not, you ask? Why yes, I question. We're just friends. And yes I told my bestfriends about it. I figured that maybe if he wanted to know about it, he could ask. But I won't say anything much, really. Anyway Ilham, don't forget our regular Wednesdays L4D-ing. Will be bringing my laptop along. Hope he can add something to it that would help in making my lappy a better place for me to get lost in, when there's really nobody around. So there it is, my first ever webcam picture. I like my webcam. Its fun camwhoring<3 Anybody up for some webcamming?